September 11, 2001
by ciaddict
Summary: A continuation of the story of Annie and Bobby. A sequel to By Reason of Mental Disease or Defect
1. Chapter 1

ANNIE

**ANNIE**

_Author's note: I do not own any Law and Order Criminal Intent characters, nor do I own any characters from Law and Order who might show up. Dick Wolf, of course, owns them and has done quite well by them._

I do own the other characters in this story: Annie, the children, Grandpa, and various other people (named and unnamed). They inhabit my imagination where they live out their lives trying to fit into the LOCI universe. This story goes back into the past and plays the "what if" game. What if Bobby was married and had a family? So here is a warning: There will be some necessary changes to canon in order to fit Annie and the kids into Bobby's life, creating a parallel LOCI universe. If you are not OK with that, you won't like this story (or any future installments) and I completely understand if you pass.  


**Episode 2**

**September 11, 2001**

**Chapter 1**

"Showers of blessing, showers of blessing we need

Mercy drops 'round us are falling

But for the showers we plead"

Annie sang along with the radio while she prepared breakfast. She didn't hear her husband come into the kitchen until she heard his voice in her ear.

"Nice beat, but can you dance to it?"

Annie giggled as she turned to Bobby and found herself engulfed in a very passionate embrace and kiss. She thought she might have stopped breathing for a moment. Bobby lifted his head and smiled down at her, and pulled her into a slow waltz around the kitchen.

"Not bad, for a forty year-old," Annie teased. He had turned forty the month before. However, Annie would also be turning forty in just two more months.

Bobby laughed down at her, went to the radio, and played with the dial. Dean Martin's voice drifted across the kitchen, singing "Sway". "Now that's more like it for a sunny Tuesday morning", he said and again danced her around the kitchen.

They heard giggling behind them and turned to find their five year old twins, Phillip and Andrew, watching them. With their curly, dark brown hair and soft brown eyes, Annie thought again how much they looked like their father. But no matter how cute they were, right now they were threatening to sabotage her morning schedule.

"Why aren't you dressed?" She asked, and then instantly regretted it as they began telling a long convoluted story of a lost toy car and the very important search that resulted in them still being in their pajamas.

"OK, OK, OK! Just go back upstairs and get your clothes on. No more toys, no reading a book, no wrestling on the bed. Get dressed and come back down for breakfast. Is Ally dressed?"

"She's in the bathroom. Ally's always the first one dressed." Andrew told her.

"OK, scoot! And tell Ally to come down for breakfast." The boys ran up the stairs. They could hear them laughing and calling Ally all the way up the stairs.

Bobby backed Annie up against the counter and kissed her again. She laid her head against his chest. She felt the beat of his heart and breathed in the fresh, clean scent of him.

Bobby asked softly, "You were up before me this morning. Are you OK?"

"I'm fine. I just wanted some prayer time."

He helped her finish preparing breakfast and then he set the table while she made three lunches. The kids came downstairs, the twins dressed but not completely buttoned and zipped. Bobby helped them straighten out their clothing and they sat down to breakfast.

Annie smiled at Bobby across the table as the children's chatter filled the room. The last two months since Annie had been attacked and she lost the baby she was carrying had been very difficult. But their family had come through it intact. She had gone to a very dark place in the weeks after the attack and Bobby had been there to help pull her out. If possible, she had fallen even more deeply in love with him. She breathed yet another prayer of gratitude for her tall, handsome husband, and her three beautiful children.

After everyone finished eating, the children were sent upstairs to brush their teeth, comb their hair, and collect their backpacks. Bobby helped Annie clean the breakfast dishes.

Annie told him, "If you and Alex aren't tied up at noon, I thought we could all meet at Sal's for lunch. I'm buying."

Bobby teased her, "Sal's? No tacos?" Tacos were Annie's favorite food—next to chocolate, of course.

Phillip and Andrew stampeded down the stairs, minus their backpacks, and were sent back to get them. Ally came down, dressed and ready for school. Bobby knotted his tie and pulled on his jacket. They left the house together, and Bobby helped to herd the children into the back seat of Annie's SUV. Before she got in, Bobby pulled her into another embrace and a kiss that left her breathless and the children laughing.

"I love you, Annie Paine."

She smiled up at him. "I love you Bobby Goren."

As he walked away towards his car Annie told him, "Call me later about lunch."

They each got in and drove off in opposite directions. Annie and the kids to the school and Bobby to One Police Plaza. She watched his car in her rearview mirror until he turned the corner.

As Annie maneuvered through traffic, she listened to Ally telling joke after joke to Phillip and Andrew, eliciting gales of laughter with each one. The sillier the joke, the more they laughed. Their laughter reminded her of their father's infectious laugh and her mind drifted back to the first time she heard it, the day twelve years ago when she first saw him.

_It was a slow morning in the Emergency Room and Annie was checking each of the rooms to make sure they were fully stocked. The triage nurse found her in the supply room._

"_Annie, we have a guy with a laceration to his right forearm. I put him in Sixteen."_

"_OK, I'll check him. Where's Dr. Ford?"_

"_In the cafeteria having coffee, I think. I'll have him paged."_

_Annie took the chart. As long as she was in the supply room, she decided to pick up a suture kit rather than use one that she had just put in the room. She was looking at the chart as she entered the room._

"_So, Mr. Lewis, how did you…." She stopped in mid-sentence as she looked up and caught sight of the tall, dark-haired man standing next to her patient. She momentarily forgot her patient as she met the smiling brown eyes of his friend. He was very tall, well over six feet. His dark hair was short, but not short enough to eliminate the curls lying against his head. He was wearing well-worn jeans and a gray tee shirt that had streaks of grease on it. It seemed like forever that they stood there looking at each other. Finally, Annie blushed and pulled her gaze away from those mesmerizing eyes and back to the man sitting on the gurney. _

"_Let's just take a look at this." She removed a neat pressure dressing and asked, "Who bandaged this for you?"_

"_My man, Bobby, here. He knows how to do all kinds of things. Probably could take your appendix out if he needed to." _

_Annie glanced back at the other man, and then turned so that her back was to him. The sight of him was too distracting. She wasn't used to reacting like this to men, certainly not while she was working. She had always been completely focused on her patients. Until now._

_After she removed the dressing, she looked at the eight centimeter laceration on his right forearm. It had bled quite a bit, but that had slowed thanks to the dressing. The wound was dirty with grease, but the edges were nice and even. _

"_OK, you are definitely going to need stitches. But I'll get it cleaned up first. It's pretty dirty, Mr. Lewis. How did you do this?"_

"_Bobby was helping with a '67 Mustang I'm restoring. I, uh, slipped while I was tightening a bolt and my arm hit the fan. Bobby wrapped it up and brought me here."_

_The other man—Bobby—didn't say anything, but he moved so that he could see Lewis' arm and watch what Annie was doing. She was a little unnerved feeling his eyes on her. She deftly cleaned the wound and opened up the suture kit, laying everything out on a sterile drape and covering them with another. Meanwhile, she asked Lewis questions about his medical history and previous injuries. Bobby still hadn't said anything, but he watched her every move closely. She could feel herself blushing and glanced at Lewis to see if he noticed. But his head was turned away from his arm to avoid looking at the wound. _

"_Are you allergic to any medications, Mr. Lewis?"_

"_Not to any medicine, but I think I'm allergic to needles and to the sight of blood." _

_Bobby laughed then and the sound startled Annie. Bobby reached over and lightly punched Lewis in his uninjured arm._

"_C'mon man, don't be a wimp."_

"_Easy for you to say. You're not the one sitting here waiting to get your arm sewn up." _

_Bobby laughed again. Annie very much wanted to hear his laugh and his voice again. But she couldn't seem to think of anything to say to him. She didn't know what was wrong with her and felt like he must think she was a complete idiot._

_Dr. Ford came in and talked to Lewis, asking many of the same questions that Annie had asked. While he sutured the wound, Lewis was silent and kept his eyes tightly closed. Bobby, however, kept up a steady stream of questions for the doctor. Dr. Ford told Lewis to return in a week to have them removed, and then he left Annie to finish up. She wrapped the arm and gave Lewis instructions to keep it clean and dry. She left and came back with two syringes._

"_Mr. Lewis, since you don't remember when your last tetanus vaccine was, Dr. Ford wants you to have one today. And this is an antibiotic. Your arm was pretty dirty and we want to make sure it doesn't get infected. The vaccine will go in your arm. But the antibiotic needs to go in your hip."_

_Lewis began to protest loudly. Bobby laughed and told him, "Drop your pants, Lewis. Just get it over with. Maybe the pretty nurse will give you a lollipop."_

_Annie smiled as Lewis followed orders. She gave him the injections as he again kept his eyes closed tightly. She went to a drawer and pulled out two lollipops. As she handed Lewis his discharge instructions, she also handed him a lollipop. _

"_This is for being such a good patient." She turned to Bobby and extended the other lollipop. "And this is for being such a good…..helper."_

_Bobby smiled at her and she thought her knees might buckle. He reached out for the lollipop and wrapped his hand around hers and held on for a few beats. Annie stood frozen to the spot. She forgot there was someone else in the room. Actually, she forgot she was even in a hospital; all she could see was Bobby. Then through the fog that her brain seemed to have become, she heard one of the other ER nurses yelling something down the hallway._

"_Code Blue Trauma Three!"_

_Annie snapped back to reality and pulled her hand from Bobby's. As she left the room, she told Lewis, "You can leave now. Be sure to come back in a week to have those stitches removed." And she ran down the hall to Trauma Three._

**End Chapter 1**


	2. Chapter 2

September 11, 2001

**September 11, 2001**

**Chapter 2**

Annie pulled the SUV into the drop-off area. As the children were gathering their pack-backs and kissing her goodbye, Ally told her, "Mommy, I have soccer practice tomorrow after school."

"I remember. I'm off work again tomorrow so I'll take you. I thought we would go to the park after school today, OK?"

"Yay!" All three children loved the park. They got their things and climbed out. She waved to them as they turned to run into the school. Then she pulled out and headed for home.

Annie stopped at the grocery store on the way home to pick up a few things. As usual, although she just ran in to pick up a few things for dinner, she remembered other items they needed and began to fill a basket. Now that she had begun remembering the day she met Bobby, she couldn't stop the memories as she pushed her cart up and down the aisles.

_After the Code Blue (they were able to save the man and transfer him to ICU), traffic through the ER picked up for the next few hours. Annie kept busy and didn't have much time to think about the enigmatic man who had brought his friend in earlier. Or why she was so fascinated with him. She had just finished discharging a patient, when the receptionist called her over._

"_Annie, there's a man out in the waiting room asking for you."_

"_Did he say who he is or what he wants?"_

"_No, he just asked to speak to Annie Paine. But I think he was here earlier. Tall guy, really cute. Maybe he wants a date," Tina teased._

_Annie rolled her eyes and walked out to the waiting room. She saw him immediately. He was sitting in one of the chairs, entertaining a little boy who looked to be about three years old. A woman, whom Annie presumed to be the boy's mother, was lying across two chairs holding her head as though she were in pain. Annie watched Bobby playing with the little boy. They were using paper cups from the water cooler as cars and trucks, and had used the old magazines on the table to create a highway. Bobby said something to the boy that caused him to laugh. He had changed out of the dirty clothes he had been wearing to work on the car, into clean jeans and green tee shirt. _

_The woman's name was called and she got up to follow a nurse to a room, taking her little boy with her. Bobby stood as he told the boy goodbye and then he saw Annie. He smiled and walked over to her._

"_Hi," was all he said as he stood in front of her._

"_Hi. Did you forget something?"_

"_No. I just...," he hesitated and seemed shy all of a sudden. "I just wanted to buy you lunch. You know, to say 'thank you' for what you did for Lewis."_

_Now it was Annie's turn to be shy. "That's not necessary. You know, the hospital actually _pays _me to do those things."_

_Bobby laughed and seemed to relax a bit. _

"_I know. I would just really like to have lunch with you." He smiled down at her and leaned a little closer. "Please."_

_Annie considered his offer. She was always professional at work and did not become personally involved with anyone she met there. She had once dated a resident, but that made working with him so uncomfortable that she decided she would never again date anyone she worked with, and certainly never a patient. While Bobby was not a patient himself, she felt like she had a professional relationship with him that made even having lunch with him out of bounds. But there was a voice in her head insisting that she very much wanted to sit and listen to his voice and hear his laugh again. _

_Bobby didn't say anything else, he just waited. Finally she told him, "OK, I'll have lunch with you in the cafeteria. But I'll buy my own. And I'm not sure when I will be able to take my lunch. It might be another hour."_

"_I'll wait," he said. He smiled at her again, walked back to the chairs, and picked up a magazine. He settled into a chair and opened the magazine. _

_Annie was right. It was an hour before things slowed down enough for the nurses to start taking lunch breaks. She went to the waiting room and he was still there, seemingly engrossed in the two-year old women's magazine he was reading. He got up as soon as he saw her and they walked to the cafeteria in silence._

_When they finally settled at a table and began eating, Bobby asked her, "So, do you come here often?"_

_Annie laughed and relaxed a little. _

"_As a matter of fact, I don't. I usually bring my lunch and eat it in the break room so I can read."_

_He asked, "What are you reading?"_

"_Today I brought 'A Is For Alibi', by Sue Grafton."_

"_You like mysteries."_

"_Among other things. I usually have about three books at any given time that I am reading."_

_Books. She couldn't believe she was talking about books. He must think she was incredibly boring. But he was hiding it well, he actually seemed interested as he asked, "So what else are you reading?"_

"_Well, there's 'To Kill a Mockingbird', and a book of poetry by Robert E. Howard. Do you read much?"_

"_My mother was a librarian, so I grew up with lots of books and I read a lot. Right now I'm reading some case studies on serial killers."_

"_Really. Serial killers? That sounds gruesome. I hope you don't read them before you go to sleep at night."_

_Bobby laughed and said, "Actually, I do read them at night. Its research for my job. I'm in the Army, with CID."_

"_CID? What is that?" she asked._

"_Criminal Investigation Division. I'm studying profiling." He explained that he studied psychology and case studies to try and get into the minds of criminals, in order to find out their identities and what they were likely to do next. Annie smiled at how animated his face became as he talked about his work. Profiling was obviously a passion for him._

_All too soon, Annie's thirty minute lunch break was over. Bobby walked her back to the ER. Before leaving he asked, "Can we have lunch again tomorrow?"_

_She felt a thrill of pleasure that he wanted to see her again. _

"_OK, but no guarantees on when I'll be able to take a break. And….if we are going to have lunch together again, maybe I should know your last name."_

"_Goren. Robert Goren. My friends call me Bobby. I'll see you tomorrow Annie."_

_She watched him walk out of the ER. She sighed and turned to go back to work._

_Bobby showed up early the next day and again sat patiently in the waiting room until Annie was able to take her break. It seemed easier to fall into conversation with him this time. He asked her about her job and her family. She told him that her parents had moved to New York when she was one. When she was eleven, her parents were both killed in a car accident caused by a drunk driver and she went to live with her father's father in Connecticut. Bobby's eyes softened with sympathy and he covered her hand with his and squeezed lightly. _

"_I'm sorry", he said softly._

"_Thank you. That was a hard time. But I couldn't have asked for a better Grandpa. He is the sweetest man on earth and will do anything for me. He didn't know much about girls, since his only children were my Dad and my uncle. But he tried. He even bought me my first sanitary pads. He went to the drugstore all by himself. The woman who worked there told me about it later. She said he was so red and embarrassed, but he didn't leave until he asked all kinds of questions about which ones would be best for a young girl."_

_Bobby laughed and said that her grandfather sounded like a good guy. Annie tried to question him about his family, but he seemed uncomfortable talking about it. She managed to get out of him that his mother was a librarian, his father was a salesman, and he had an older brother. He grew up in Brooklyn and his parents divorced when he was young. It sounded as though his family was still nearby, but he was a little vague._

_Again her lunch break flew by much too fast. They had finished eating and Bobby was drinking a cup of coffee when he asked, "Same time tomorrow?"_

"_I don't work tomorrow."_

"_Good, then how about dinner? And this time I buy?"_

_Annie hesitated. "You mean….a date?"_

"_I think that's what it's called", Bobby smiled and it was hard to resist._

_But she hesitated. "I don't date patients", she said._

"_Good. I'm not a patient."_

"_Or their family or friends."_

"_I'm not related to Lewis." _

"_Friends", she reminded him._

"_Yeah……….about that. I'm not really friends with Lewis. In fact I had never seen him before yesterday. I was just walking down the street and heard him yelling for help, so I ran in, saw that he was hurt, and brought him here. You know, a Good Samaritan thing. Not friends at all. Actually, I don't even like the guy."_

_Annie's laugh drew attention from neighboring tables. He was determined; she had to give him that. She smiled as she looked at him, considering the wisdom of going out on a date with someone she knew so little about. _

"_OK, a date. But there is something you need to know about me. I don't eat meat. I don't drink alcohol. And I don't have sex."_

_Bobby choked and spit a mouthful of coffee on the floor._

"_Uh…sorry?"_

"_I said", she repeated slowly, "I don't eat meat. I don't drink alcohol. I don't ….."_

"_Y….Yeah, I got that part", he interrupted. _

_He looked at her incredulously, and then grabbed a napkin to wipe up the coffee he had spit on the floor. Annie sat and watched him calmly. Finally he sat back down in his chair. He asked her, "Do you tell that to every man who asks you out on a date?"_

"_Yes."_

"_You don't date much, do you?" he deadpanned._

_This time more heads turned at Annie's laughter. "No, actually, I don't. Not too many men are willing to abide by my rules."_

"_Rules?"_

"_Yes, rules. See, I don't expect you to remember everything I tell you about myself. But I do expect you to remember those three things. And to respect me enough not to try to change my mind about any of them. I never say 'no' more than once. If I have to say it once, it will be the last time we go out."_

_Bobby just sat and looked at her. She wished she could read his mind, but she had no idea what he was thinking. This was where most invitations died and she had discovered the hard way that most of those who made it past this point had a difficult time believing she really meant that she would only say no once. Some men saw her "rules" as a challenge and tried their best to get her to change her mind about the alcohol and the sex. True to her word, she had never gone out with any of them again. It seemed like time stopped while she waited for Bobby to answer. _

_Finally he said, "Pick you up at seven?"_

_Annie sighed in relief. She hadn't realized until that moment just how much she _wanted_ to go out with him. _

**End Chapter 2**


	3. Chapter 3

SEPTEMBER 11, 2001

**September 11, 2001**

**Chapter 3**

Annie carried the groceries into the kitchen and put them away. She looked at the clock and saw it was almost nine. She wanted to get some cleaning done before she met Bobby and Alex for lunch, so she turned on the TV for company. As the television flickered on, all thoughts of cleaning fled. While the attack on Annie just over two months earlier had changed her family forever, she was now witnessing events that would change the world forever.

Annie couldn't believe what she was seeing on the television. She sat down and watched in shocked silence. There was the World Trade Center with smoke pouring from it. The news said that a plane had flown into the north tower. There seemed to be a lot of confusion as to what kind of plane it was. As she sat transfixed by the images, a large plane came into the camera view and Annie watched in horror as it flew directly into the south tower. This couldn't be happening.

She picked up the phone and called the Major Case Squad, worried because the World Trade Center was only about a mile away from One Police Plaza. She asked for Bobby and he came on the phone.

"Are you alright?"

"Y…Yeah, we're OK. Babe, I can't talk now. We have to get over there."

Annie felt a tingle of fear. He was going down there?

"Be careful, Bobby. I love you."

"I will. And I love you."

She sat transfixed by the TV. The phone rang and it was her supervisor. She said that the hospital was enacting their disaster plan and calling in all off-duty personnel. Annie told her she would be there as soon as she could.

Since moving in next door, she and Janey had made arrangements for Janey to take care of the children in case of a disaster that would require both Annie and Bobby to work. She went next-door to Janey's and found her in front of her television. She explained that she was being called into work and Bobby was already on the job.

"He works really close to the World Trade Center, doesn't he? Have you talked to him?"

"Just briefly. He's OK, but his squad is heading over there."

Janey assured her that she would pick the kids up from school and keep them as long as necessary. Annie ran home and changed into her work uniform. She called Bobby's cell phone since she knew he had probably already left the squad room. It went directly to voice mail and she left a message that she was going into the hospital. Then she headed to the hospital. On the drive in, listening to the news on the radio, she remembered her first date with Bobby.

_Annie found herself having to apologize to all three of her roommates as she got ready for her date. Numerous times she had made fun of them for being "in a tizzy" while preparing for a date, and now she found herself in the same situation. All day she found it impossible think about anything else. She changed her clothes three times, eliciting gales of laughter from her roommates. It was not like Annie to act so "girly" when preparing for a date. But this was different. She finally decided on a simple blue dress. She usually wore her long blond hair in a French braid, but her roommates overruled her on that and insisted she wear it down. _

_By the time the doorbell rang, she was so nervous that she considered telling him she was sick and canceling. She opened the door and all thoughts of canceling fled. He was wearing a blue button-down shirt, with the top button open. He was smiling down at her and she thought he must have the most beautiful smile in the world. _

"_Do you mind walking", he asked, "The restaurant isn't very far."_

"_I don't mind at all." She grabbed her purse and ignored her roommates' giggles as she closed the door firmly behind her. _

_As nervous as she was, once they were on the street walking, their conversation flowed easily. Annie was amazed at the number of topics that Bobby was interested and conversant in. He stayed close to her as they walked, but didn't touch her. She found herself wanting to reach over and take his hand, but resisted. Once again she was surprised at the giddy, high school girl feelings she was experiencing. She had not dated much and had only been in one relationship that lasted longer than six months. She had not felt like this with any of them._

_Finally Bobby stopped in front of a restaurant and said, "This is the place." Annie looked up and burst out laughing when she saw that he had brought her to Tony's Bar and Grill. Bobby watched her with amusement._

"_Is this a problem? Did I break a rule?"_

"_Well, let's see. You bring a teetotaling vegetarian to a place that is known for its alcoholic drinks and grilled meat. No, no problem at all", she laughed. "Actually, I guess I deserved that, didn't I? I admit I was a little bit of a brat about my 'rules', yesterday." _

"_I know an Italian place not too far from here. We can go there."_

"_Oh no, this is fine. I can go into a bar and not drink alcohol, and into a steakhouse and not eat meat."_

_Bobby leaned close and spoke with his mouth almost touching her ear._

"_And where can you go and not have sex?"_

_Annie laughed again and linked her arm with his, pulling him towards the restaurant. _

"_C'mon Mr. Carnivore, let's eat. I sure hope you brought plenty of money because I'm starving."_

_The food was excellent. Annie noted with amusement that Bobby seemed surprised at the amount of food that she ordered from the "side dish" section. They talked about music, art, books. Annie never tired of talking about books and hoped she wasn't boring him. But he seemed to be enjoying their conversation. He laughed easily and frequently. She noticed that he stammered occasionally when he was explaining something. Somehow it made him even more appealing. Over dessert (Triple Chocolate Cheesecake for her, Apple Pie A La Mode for him), Bobby asked the questions she had been expecting. _

"_I can guess why you don't drink alcohol—because of your parents, but why no meat?"_

"_You're right about the alcohol. I've never had a drink and never intend to have one. And the meat? I just think that humans weren't intended to eat dead animals, and I think we are healthier if we don't. Is that too 'New Age'?"_

_Bobby smiled at her. "No, I respect that. And the sex? Is that a religious thing?"_

"_Sort of. At least, in the beginning it was. I was raised in church and when I was in high school I just accepted what they taught about sex only being for marriage. I don't really go to church much now, mostly when I go home to visit Grandpa. But working at the hospital, I see the sad results of promiscuity. Teenage pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS. Whether there is a God or not, it just seems to me that having sex with only one person that you are committed to being with for life makes a lot of sense. I know that isn't a popular belief, that 'safe sex' is the big emphasis. And believe me, I've given that lecture hundreds of times, and I've handed out tons of condoms. But the truth is there isn't anything as 'safe' as abstinence, followed by a strictly monogamous relationship."_

_Bobby leaned closer and asked, "So are you saying that you will only marry a man who has never had sex?"_

_Annie laughed. "I'm not that naïve. But I would be concerned about how much, um……'experience' he has had, how consistently he used protection, his medical history, and most importantly, the likelihood of him being monogamous 'til death do us part'. Do you think that's too unrealistic?"_

"_I think that you are the only one who can decide if your standards are unrealistic."_

_Bobby held her hand as they walked back and he seemed to be in no hurry. They sat on a bench and talked for what seemed like hours, but it was only eleven o'clock when they arrived back at her apartment building. Standing on the sidewalk in front, Bobby turned to face Annie. _

"_So this 'no sex rule', does it include no kissing?"_

_She blushed and hoped it was too dark for him to see. "No, it doesn't. Kissing is allowed."_

"_Good", he said. He cupped her chin in his large hand and leaned towards her._

"_But you should know that you have an audience", she told him._

_Bobby stopped and looked up at her apartment. He saw three giggling female faces in the windows. He looked back down at her smiling face. Annie laughed and took his hand._

"_C'mon, I know a better place." She led him into the lobby of the building, down a short hallway, and opened the door to a storage room._

"_Is this better", she asked._

_Bobby grinned at her. "You seem to be well-acquainted with this room. Have you been here often?"_

"_No, I just have three roommates who have told me a lot about it", she laughed._

_Bobby laughed with her. He put his hands on either side of her face and lowered his head. His lips touched hers gently for a moment before touching his tongue to her lips to part them. As the kiss deepened Annie closed her eyes and reached up to put her arms around his back. She felt the solid strength of his muscles through his shirt. He moved his hands from her face and pulled her close. Annie lost track of time and began to wish they could stay like that forever. Finally Bobby threaded the fingers of one hand into her hair and gently pulled her head back as he ended the kiss. She opened her eyes and looked into his. His brown eyes seemed darker now. She closed her eyes again as he gently kissed each of her eyelids. He placed gentle kisses on her forehead, her cheeks, her chin, her throat, coming back at last to her lips. Again he held her tightly against him as his tongue explored her mouth. She sighed as the kiss ended. He rested his forehead against hers for a moment, his eyes closed._

"_I think…" His voice sounded husky. "I think you should go upstairs now."_

"_I think you're right", she whispered, and sighed again._

_They pulled away and Bobby took her hand. He walked with her up the stairs in silence. At her door, he turned and gently kissed her. _

"_Can I see you tomorrow?" _

"_Yes", she said without hesitation. _

"_I'll pick you up in the morning, around ten. OK?"_

_She nodded and he kissed her again before she opened the door and went inside. Annie was instantly surrounded and inundated with questions. She tried to escape to her bedroom. But since she shared a room with Janey she couldn't keep her out, and Janey let Sue and Emily in as well. They all piled on her bed and insisted on details. Annie told them about the evening, and finally they were satisfied and left her alone. She fell asleep that night thinking about Bobby's smiling brown eyes, his laugh, and the kiss in the storage room._

_Bobby arrived promptly at ten the next morning. He took her to an art museum, where they discovered that they had very different tastes. Annie loved the impressionists, Bobby preferred more provocative paintings. They each patiently and politely explored the other's choices. They bought lunch and ate it sitting on a bench in Central Park. It finally occurred to Annie to ask why he had so much free time. _

"_Don't you have to work? Or is the Army paying you to spend the day with me", she teased._

_He chuckled and answered, "Actually, I'm on leave for two weeks. I'll be going back to Korea a week from today."_

_Annie froze with her sandwich half-way to her mouth. Korea? He was leaving in a week? Well, of course he was. She had to have known he was too good to be true. Men like Bobby—tall, handsome, smart, funny, appealing—did not just wander into the ER every day. Or into her life. And if they did happen to wander in, they certainly did not stay. _

_Annie sighed. The thought occurred to her that at least she hadn't known him for very long, hadn't fallen in love with him. Now that she knew he wouldn't be around for long, that this was nothing more than an entertaining way to spend his time on leave, she wouldn't be hurt when he left. She became aware that her hand was frozen in mid-air and that Bobby was watching her with a curious look on his face. She swallowed and took a bite of her sandwich. _

"_Is something wrong?" Bobby was still watching her._

"_No, nothing." She smiled at him and continued eating. "Tell me more about your family. You said you grew up in Brooklyn. Do your parents still live there?"_

"_Yes, they do." Bobby hesitated as though there was more he wanted to say. But he didn't say anything else about his family. Instead, he said, "After we finish eating let's take a walk, OK?"_

_Annie considered pressing him for more information, but she let it drop. After lunch they took a long walk and that evening he took her to a theater showing "Citizen Kane". Although she knew he would be leaving soon and she would probably never see him again, she decided to just enjoy the time they had together. _

_The next week seemed to fly by. Bobby spent every day with Annie. On the days that Annie worked, he would show up at lunchtime and when she got off work in the evening he would be waiting to take her to dinner and walk her home. On the days she didn't work, he would pick her up in the morning and spend the entire day and evening with her. Every evening he walked her to her door and kissed her goodnight. His kisses were soft and sweet, never as intense as that first kiss, and he never suggested going to the storage room again._

_On Bobby's last night before returning to Korea, Annie tried to be cheerful but couldn't shake a sad feeling at the thought of never seeing him again. He was leaving first thing in the morning, so this evening was the last she would see of him. As he walked her to her door, she waited for him to say goodbye. But without saying anything he backed her up against the wall and kissed her as deeply and passionately as he had that first night. She put her arms around his neck and responded with just as much passion. When the kiss ended Bobby held her tightly against him, his breath warm against her ear. When he finally spoke, his voice was almost a whisper in her ear. _

"_Annie, if I write to you, will you write back?"_

_She nodded her head against his shoulder, afraid to say anything._

"_Can I call you?"_

_Again she nodded, not trusting her voice. He held her face between his hands and tilted her face up to his. He looked into her blue eyes for a long time before lowering his head for another kiss. He pulled away almost abruptly. He smiled down at her and slipped a card into her hand. It had an address to write to him._

"_I'm going to miss you, Annie Paine', he said and then he walked quickly away towards the stairs. He had already started down the stairs when Annie finally found her voice. _

"_I'm going to miss you too, Bobby Goren." _

_And then he was gone._

**End Chapter 3**


	4. Chapter 4

September 11, 2001

**September 11, 2001**

**Chapter 4**

Annie heard on the radio that another plane had crashed into the Pentagon. There were unconfirmed reports that a car or truck bomb had gone off at the White House, but there was confusion about the veracity of those reports. Annie whispered a prayer for the rescue workers, the survivors, the families, and for Bobby. She tried once to call him from her cell phone, but it wasn't working.

She walked into the ER and was stunned by the silence. There were 2 or 3 people in the waiting room. None of them seemed to be seriously ill or injured and were waiting patiently to be seen by a doctor while watching the television. The few patients in rooms already were quiet and subdued, as were the nurses and doctors as they treated them. The television in the doctor's lounge was on and turned up so that it could be heard in the hallways. Someone had brought in a small portable TV and put it at the reception desk. Everyone who was not with a patient was gathered in one of those two places, transfixed by the images.

Annie went to the lounge and put her things in her locker. She stood for a moment watching with two other nurses as smoke poured from the two towers. As they watched one of the towers collapsed, seeming to implode on itself, causing a huge gray cloud to billow up around it and spread outward. Annie heard gasps around her, she heard the news reporters talking excitedly, but all the sound seemed to come from far away. Her only thought was "Where is Bobby?"

She pulled her cell phone from her pocket and dialed Bobby, but her phone still was not working. She ran to the reception desk to use the phone there. She dialed his cell phone, praying that his would be working. But she got a recording that her call could not be completed. She dialed several times, but the call would not go through. She tried calling One Police Plaza, thinking that even if he wasn't there, someone would know where he was. But again no calls were going through.

She knew there was nothing more to do about finding Bobby except pray, which she did silently and constantly. She went to work, concentrating on the patients. With the rest of the staff she watched on TV as the second tower fell. Then there was the news of an airplane crashing in a field in Pennsylvania, with speculation about whether it was related to the first three. Periodically she went to the telephone and tried to call Bobby's cell, Alex's cell, and 1 Police Plaza. But she was not able to get through.

The staff waited for an influx of wounded patients from the site, but it stayed quiet all morning. Even the normal traffic through the ER seemed slower than usual. As they waited, they all watched the horror unfold on television. And Annie remembered how hard it was to be separated from Bobby when he was in Korea.

_True to his word, Bobby did write to Annie nearly every day and she wrote back just as often. Annie wrote about everything in her life; her job, her roommates, Janey's engagement, her grandfather, the books she was reading, movies she saw, every detail of her life, past and present. Bobby's letters were filled with information about his work, his research, his exploration of Korea. But there were few references to his family. He called her once a week. The calls were disappointingly short due to the long distance charges but Annie looked forward to them. In every letter and every phone call they told each other how much they missed one another and how eagerly they looked forward to Bobby's leave. _

_It would be six months before he could take leave again and he promised to come back to New York. Six months seemed like a lifetime but finally she was waiting at the airport for him to arrive. She couldn't believe how natural it seemed to have him there again and how easily the two weeks fell into a pattern. Annie worried that eating out every day was too expensive, so they had dinner at her apartment most evenings. Sometimes she cooked, sometimes Bobby cooked, but mostly they worked together. Having time alone was a problem since she had three roommates and Bobby was staying with Lewis. But they spent a lot of time in the park, walking or sitting on a bench. _

_Of the two weeks that Bobby was on leave, there were three days that they were not together. He said that he needed to spend time with his mother. Annie had hoped he would introduce them, but he made no mention of having her meet his family. _

_The two weeks sped by and he was gone again. It was harder to say goodbye this time. Annie knew she was falling in love with him, but Bobby never said anything about his feelings for her, except that he missed her when he was away. _

_They began another six months of long letters and brief phone calls. Bobby told her about a profiler that the FBI had sent over to assist in a hunt for a serial killer. He was excited to be working with and learning from the famous Declan Gage. _

_Annie kept busy with work and with helping Janey with plans for her wedding. Annie was to be her maid of honor. She was happy for her friend, although it meant she would be losing a roommate. Janey was one of the first friends she had made when she moved to New York to go to nursing school. _

_As the date got closer, Annie realized that Bobby would be back in New York on leave. She asked him to be her date and he agreed. She requested the entire two weeks off from work and made plans to take Bobby to her grandfather's house in Connecticut for a few days before the wedding. _

_The first three days of his leave, Bobby spent with his mother. It was torture for Annie knowing that he was in town but she couldn't see him. He called her every night, but she wasn't sure if that made it easier or harder. His reluctance to discuss his family or let her meet them concerned her. But she believed that eventually he would open up._

_The morning they left for Connecticut Bobby showed up at her apartment with his suitcase. When she saw him at her front door, tall and handsome in a black tee shirt and jeans, she couldn't help throwing herself into his arms. He laughed and held her tightly. He held her face between his large hands and tilted her head so that she was looking into his eyes. He just looked at her for a long time, as though he were trying to memorize every feature. He lowered his head and kissed her for a long time. _

_They were driving to Connecticut in Annie's small ten year old car. When Bobby saw her car, he looked at her incredulously._

"_A Pinto?! You've got to be kidding me!"_

_Annie said, "What's wrong with a Pinto? It's old, but it runs great and gets good gas mileage."_

_She laughed at Bobby as he folded himself into the car. It was definitely not designed for a 6'4" man. Annie entertained him with stories of the family members he was going to meet during the drive to Connecticut. As she drove down the tree-lined street, she had the same feeling of home-coming that she always had when she came to visit Grandpa. And as the two-story yellow farmhouse that she grew up in came into view she got misty-eyed. Bobby noticed and reached over and squeezed her hand. _

"_Brings back memories, doesn't it", he asked._

"_Oh yes. Grandpa has lived in this house all his life. And so did his father. His grandfather built it."_

"_It's beautiful." _

_As Bobby got out of the car and opened Annie's door, Grandpa came out of the house. He stood on the porch and watched them as they came up the steps. He hugged Annie and then turned to shake Bobby's hand._

"_Grandpa, this is Bobby Goren. Bobby, this is my grandfather Earl Paine."_

"_Well, it's good to meet you, young man. Annie must think a lot of you to subject you to this wild bunch." Her grandfather had planned a barbeque and she could hear the sounds of people in the backyard._

"_I'm very glad to meet you too, sir. Annie has told me a lot about you."_

_Just then the door slammed open and her two cousins, Jack and Bruce, burst through. They and their sister, Marian, were more like siblings to Annie than cousins. Jack caught Annie up in a bear hug, while Bruce introduced himself to Bobby. Marian came around the house from the backyard with Uncle Tom and Aunt Jeane. Introductions were made all around, then Aunt Jeane shooed everyone to the backyard while Annie and Bobby took their things upstairs. _

_Annie showed Bobby the guest room and then showed him her childhood bedroom across the hall. Grandpa hadn't changed anything since she left and Bobby smiled at the stuffed animals on the bed and the various high school awards._

"_Math whiz and choir. Your grandfather is proud of you."_

_Annie sighed, "I've tried to get him to redecorate this room, but he won't. So, are you ready to face the throng? They're noisy and sometimes rowdy, but not too dangerous." _

_Bobby laughed and told her, "I'm ready."_

_She took his hand. He pulled her close and kissed her before they headed down the stairs and out the back door. The rest of the afternoon and evening was a blur of family, laughter, stories, singing, food, and children running underfoot. By the time everything had been cleaned up and everyone had left, it was late. Grandpa said goodnight and went upstairs. Annie and Bobby settled down on the comfortable, padded love seat on the deck. He pulled her close and she leaned back against his broad chest. _

"_So you survived your first Paine barbeque. Everyone liked you a lot. I'm going to have to keep an eye on a couple of my younger cousins. They are already lusting for you."_

_Bobby laughed. "Your family is great. Do they get together like this a lot?"_

"_Well, a few times a year for the entire bunch, like today. But my aunt and uncle and cousins spend a lot of time with Grandpa. I get up here at least once a month. How often do you see your family?"_

"_I keep in touch with my mother and see her as much as I can when I'm in New York. I don't see my father or my brother very much. We aren't big on family reunions." _

_Annie started to ask more about his family, but before she could Bobby began pointing out the different constellations. She took the hint and let the subject of his family drop. It made her sad that he wasn't very close to his family. She couldn't imagine not having lots of family to share her happy and sad moments with. _

_The sound of his voice and the feel of his arms around her and his chest against her back made her wish they could stay there forever. Finally Bobby whispered in her ear that they should get some sleep. They walked upstairs and outside Annie's bedroom door, he held her close and kissed her. She put her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. _

"_I'm so glad you're here. I really want you to like my family", she whispered. _

_Bobby hesitated before placing a kiss on the top of her head and telling her, "I'm glad I'm here too."_

_Annie woke long before dawn and quickly got up and dressed. This was a tradition for Annie since she had moved to New York. Every time she visited Grandpa she would get up early on her first morning home and go to the beach to watch the sun rise over the ocean. She hesitated outside Bobby's room, but didn't wake him. As much as she wanted to share this with him, this first morning was for her alone._

_She drove to her favorite spot and parked her car. She took a flashlight with her because it was still dark, and a blanket to sit on. She made her way down to the beach, spread out her blanket and sat down. She sat in the dark, inhaling the fishy, briny smell of the ocean and listening to the sound of the waves. As her eyes adjusted, she could make out the waves lapping on the shore. A familiar feeling of peace filled her. She had always told Grandpa that she could hear the voice of God in the sound of the waves. While she didn't consider herself very religious these days the ocean still had the same effect on her._

_She sat and watched the sun come up, then picked up her blanket and headed back to Grandpa's house. Grandpa was in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee when she returned. He smiled and filled a mug with hot water for Annie, her preferred hot beverage. They sat at the small kitchen table and watched the early morning sun filtering through the trees in the backyard._

"_You like this boy a lot", Grandpa said._

_Annie laughed. "He's twenty nine years old, Grandpa. Hardly a boy. And yes, I do like him a lot."_

"_Young man, then", Grandpa chuckled. He was silent for a moment and then said softly, "You're in love with him." _

_Annie could never keep anything from Grandpa. The few times she tried to lie to him when she was growing, he always knew. He told her, "I can read your face like a book, Annie." This was the reason she was so terrible at playing poker. Her expressive face always gave her away, a fact that her cousins had no scruples about exploiting. She sighed as she thought how much she hoped Bobby couldn't read her as well as Grandpa could. _

_She didn't answer Grandpa, but he didn't seem to expect her to. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Grandpa asked, "Does he love you?"_

"_He hasn't said anything."_

"_He will", Grandpa said. "I've been watching him. He opens doors for you. I like that. When he's in a crowd he looks to see where you are every few minutes, he watches you when he thinks you aren't looking, and he smiles whenever you smile, even if you are across the yard and he doesn't know what you are smiling about."_

_They heard Bobby coming down the stairs. Grandpa insisted on making breakfast for them, so afterwards Bobby and Annie sent him out while they cleaned up. Annie spent the day showing Bobby around her hometown. It was a small town and it seemed that most of the people in town knew Annie and wanted to meet her "young man". She showed him the high school she attended, the library where she had spent so much of her time, the diner where all the high school kids still hung out, the small local historical museum. _

_That night, Bobby insisted on taking them out for dinner. They ate at a small Italian restaurant. Bobby had Veal Parmigiana, Annie had the Fettuccine Alfredo, and Grandpa had Spaghetti and Meatballs. Everyone had Tiramisu for dessert. They talked and laughed through dinner. Grandpa told stories about his days working for the Post Office, his experiences in the Navy during WWII. Bobby talked about his work with CID and profiling. Annie didn't say very much, she just enjoyed listening to them. She was happy that Grandpa and Bobby seemed to hit it off so well._

_The next day Annie took him to her uncle's ranch. Bobby had never ridden a horse before, but he was a quick study. He listened carefully to all of Jack's instructions and followed them to the letter. Annie's aunt packed lunches for them and they went on a long ride with Jack, Bruce, and Marian. It felt good to be on a horse again, and to be with her cousins. Most of all, it felt good for Bobby to be part of it. They rode down to the beach and had lunch there. Jack and Bruce vied to see who could tell the most embarrassing story about Annie._

_Back at Grandpa's, Annie made dinner for the three of them. Grandpa was having some friends over for poker and invited Bobby to play with them. Before the others arrived, Bobby and Annie went for a walk. They held hands and talked. She found out to her shock that Bobby didn't care for the beach. But he assured her that being with her and her cousins had made it enjoyable. _

_When they got back to the house, Grandpa's friends were there ready to play. They invited both Annie and Bobby to join them and she played a few hands. But, as always, she lost to the great amusement of all the men at the table. She laughingly scolded them for not being very gentlemanly and excused herself. She insisted Bobby stay because she could see he was enjoying himself. She got a book and curled up on the couch in the living room. She listened to the men talking and heard Grandpa asking Bobby about his plans for the future. _

"_You seem to be doing well in the Army. Are you planning on making a career of it?"_

"_I thought I was. But lately I've been thinking that I might leave when my enlistment is over. I'm thinking of joining the NYPD."_

_It made Annie smile to think of Bobby being in New York permanently. The sound of the men's voices, interspersed with laughter, gave her a warm feeling of being home. These sounds, and these men, had been a part of most of her childhood. She read until the men left and Grandpa went upstairs. Bobby got a book, joined her on the couch, and put his arm around her. They sat and read in silence for a while. Annie became sleepy and Bobby repositioned her so that she was lying on the couch with her head on his lap. As he read, he absent-mindedly ran his fingers through her hair. _

_Annie sighed in contentment. She was very sleepy now. She laid her book down in front of her and closed her eyes, thinking it was just for a moment. As she dozed off she whispered, "I love you." She didn't feel Bobby's hand freeze or how he tensed._

_The sun was shining and Grandpa was in the kitchen when she woke up the next morning. She was on the couch with a blanket over her. Bobby must have covered her last night. She stretched and thought about the last few days. They were leaving today and the next few days would be busy, preparing for Janey's wedding. She got up and went upstairs to shower and dress. When she came down, Bobby was in the kitchen with Grandpa. They ate breakfast, but Bobby was quiet this morning. _

_As they put their things in the car and prepared to leave, Grandpa came out to hug Annie. He shook hands with Bobby and said, "It was good to meet you. I look forward to seeing more of you."_

_Bobby replied, "Yes sir, it was good meeting you too."_

_He was quiet on the drive back to New York. She tried to draw him into conversation, but finally gave up and they rode in silence. At Annie's apartment, Bobby carried her suitcase up for her and then said he couldn't stay. _

"_Is anything wrong? You've been so quiet today."_

"_No, nothing's wrong."_

"_I'm going to be busy with Janey for the next few days. But maybe we can go to lunch or dinner?"_

"_It's OK, I know how busy you will be. I think I'm going to spend a few days with my mother."_

"_See you for the rehearsal dinner?" _

"_Sure, I'll pick you up at 6:30."_

_Annie watched Bobby walk towards the stairway with an uneasy feeling. He had been so quiet all day. She wondered if he was angry about something, but couldn't think of any reason that he would be. She considered running after him and asking if she had done anything to anger him, but decided against it. _

_The next three days were a flurry of shopping, decorating, fittings, and lunches. The four roommates spent every night talking, laughing, and remembering the fun they had shared over the years. Annie called Lewis' apartment once, but Lewis told her Bobby had gone to stay at his mother's apartment for a few days. He offered to give her the phone number, but she told him, "No thank you. I'll be seeing him in a few days anyway." Bobby had not given her his mother's phone number, so she felt uncomfortable getting it from Lewis. _

_On the day of the rehearsal dinner, Annie was busy all day with last minute details. As Maid of Honor she was determined that Janey would have the wedding of her dreams and not have to worry about details. The rehearsal in the afternoon was typically hectic and disorganized. Janey was frazzled and worried that the wedding would be a disaster, but Annie assured her that it would all go without a hitch. She crossed her fingers as she fibbed about how confident she was about that. _

_She was the only one home when the doorbell rang at 6:30. Annie opened the door and Bobby stood there looking so handsome in a suit and tie it took her breath away. He smiled appreciatively at the sight of Annie in her green dress. But even as he smiled she realized that whatever had been wrong the other day was still on his mind. He leaned down and kissed her lightly. They held hands as they walked to the garage and Bobby held the driver's side door open for her to get in. He was silent on the drive to the restaurant. She desperately wanted to ask him what was wrong, but decided to wait until after the dinner. _

_Bobby was quieter than usual during dinner, but made an effort to join in conversation and to laugh with the others as family and friends told stories about the bride and groom. He only asked Annie to dance once, but even then he seemed distracted. She asked him if they could leave early, saying she wanted to get as much sleep as possible because the next day would be so busy. He readily agreed and they said their goodbyes. At the door to Annie's apartment, she turned and looked up at him._

"_Bobby….." She suddenly wasn't sure what to say. She took a breath and started again. "Bobby, is something wrong? Have I done something to make you angry?"_

_He looked at her and didn't answer for a long moment. Finally he said, "No, no, you haven't done anything and I'm not angry. I'm sorry if I haven't been very good company."_

_Annie reached up and rubbed her fingers along his tie clip. She took hold of his tie and tugged slightly, telling him, "If there's something wrong, you can talk to me."_

_Bobby put his forearm on the wall above Annie's head and leaned close to her. He kissed her lightly and said, "There _is_ something I want to talk to you about, but now isn't the time. After all the wedding stuff is done and things calm down, we'll talk." _

_He started to pull back, but she tightened her grip on his tie. She used the tie to pull his head down and kissed him again. She touched her tongue to his lips and pushed to part them. Bobby hesitated for a moment, then he parted his lips and let her tongue explore his mouth. Annie let go of his tie and put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. He slid his arms around her waist and held her tightly. Bobby responded as the kiss became more heated and passionate. He moved his hands up to her face as he pressed her back against the wall. His lips moved from hers and he began cover her face with kisses. He kissed her eyes, her cheeks, her ears, and moved down to her throat and the sensitive hollow there. The thumb of his left hand moved to lightly caress the skin along the square neckline of her dress. She shivered at the feel of his thumb as it moved across her skin. His hands went back to her waist and he pulled her closer. His lips moved down to the neckline of her dress. He used the tip of his tongue to follow the trail his thumb had traced across the top of her breasts. Annie threaded the fingers of both hands in his hair. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the wall. She arched her back slightly to increase the contact of his tongue with her skin. Her breathing was shallow and rapid. She knew she had to stop this. Bobby's kisses retraced the path back to her throat, her face, her mouth. He took her bottom lip lightly between his teeth, teasing her with his tongue. His mouth covered hers and his hands moved to her buttocks. He pulled her hips tightly against his own. She could feel his response to her and tightened her embrace. _

_Bobby ended the kiss and wrapped his arms around her waist. He rested his head next to hers, his breathing warm and ragged against her ear. They stood like that for several long minutes. Annie could feel the rapid thudding of both their hearts. Finally Bobby whispered, "I have to go" and pulled away. She dropped her arms and watched as he turned and walked quickly down the hallway to the stairs without looking back. She leaned back against the wall for a moment before unlocking the door with shaking hands._

_She went to her room and sat on her bed. She felt cold and couldn't stop shaking. She regretted having started that entire episode. She hadn't meant to mislead him; she didn't play those kinds of games with men. She was serious about not having sex and about not giving second chances. Never before had she wavered in her principles, and it frightened her to realize how close she had come tonight to tossing those principles out the window. She knew that it was Bobby who stopped her from going too far and she felt ashamed. _

_She wondered if Bobby had become frustrated with her "rules" and wanted to stop seeing her because of it. And why not, she thought. It was obvious that he was not in love with her and so their relationship was not going to progress any further. Why would he continue to see her, knowing that letters, meals, and walks were all that they would ever share? There had to be many women who would be more than happy to sleep with him. Of course he had no reason to waste any more of his time on her. He had introduced her to a former girlfriend when they ran into her at a restaurant one night. Irene was tall, leggy, brunette, and a stockbroker. Annie had felt short and dumpy next to her and wondered if Irene was more Bobby's "type". _

_For the first time in her life, Annie considered relaxing one of her rules. But even as the thought occurred to her, she knew that she couldn't do it. If sex were the only way to keep Bobby, she would rather lose him. She lay back on the bed and let her tears flow. By the time the girls returned from the rehearsal dinner, Annie had cried herself out. She had taken a shower, changed into her pajamas, and put a cold washcloth over her puffy eyes. If they could tell she had been crying, no one said anything. _

_This was the last night the four would be together as roommates and they stayed up late, in their pajamas, eating ice cream. They talked about Janey's future with the man of her dreams. Once they had all finally gone to bed, Annie lay awake thinking about Bobby. She had begun to think he was the man of _her _dreams. She realized that she had allowed herself to fall in love and it broke her heart to think that he didn't feel the same way. She finally fell into a restless sleep. _

**End Chapter 4**


	5. Chapter 5

September 11, 2001

**September 11, 2001**

**Chapte 5**

A few patients trickled in as noon approached. There were some minor injuries to people on the outskirts of the area after the collapse of the buildings, some cuts from broken glass, a whiplash from a car accident. There were several people, who came in with respiratory problems from the ash, dust, and debris in the air. But for the most part, it remained quiet in the ER.

The televisions were on continuously. Annie and the rest of the staff could not resist watching the footage of the planes, the burning buildings, and the collapse of first one, then the other tower. The images were shown over and over until they were seared into Annie's brain. She was actually relieved when a patient came in so that she had a reason to stop watching.

The news crews that were able to get to the site showed the efforts to find survivors among the rubble of the destroyed twin towers. There were NYPD, FDNY, Port Authority officers, paramedics, nurses, and doctors. Always, Annie watched carefully to see if she could find Bobby, Alex, or anyone she knew from Major Case. But she didn't recognize anyone.

There were reports that rescue workers, both fire and police, were in the buildings, trying to evacuate people when the towers collapsed. There was no word on how many there were or if any had escaped. Annie had a knot of fear in her stomach that Bobby might have been in one of those buildings, but she refused to acknowledge it. When her coworkers expressed concern, she smiled and told them that she was sure Bobby was fine. She thought that if she repeated it enough times she might actually begin to believe it.

_Annie woke up before any of her roommates. She quietly got up and went to the kitchen. She prepared Janey's favorite breakfast; French toast, bacon, and orange juice. She put it on a tray and carried it into the bedroom, flipping on the CD she had already put in. As she opened the bedroom door she flipped on the light and said, "Time to wake up, Bridezilla!" From the CD player came the sound of "Goin' to the Chapel". Janey opened her eyes and sat up, laughing. _

"_Annie! This is so sweet. You shouldn't have."_

"_Oh yes I should have. This is your day and you will be pampered."_

_Sue and Emily woke up and came into the room. Annie told them there was more food in the kitchen and to help themselves. They all brought their breakfast into Janey and Annie's room and piled on the beds to eat. They sang along with "Goin' to the Chapel", which Annie had programmed to play several times. After breakfast they all showered and dressed. There were last minute details to attend to and they all had appointments to have their hair done and manicures. _

_Annie was tempted to call Bobby all day, but she refrained. Whatever the problem was, she didn't want to deal with it over the phone. And today she needed to focus on Janey. Because Annie would be going to the church with the bridal party, they had agreed that Bobby would go to the church alone and they would meet up after the wedding. _

_At the church, they all got dressed and helped Janey into her wedding dress. The bridesmaids' dresses were lovely tea-length blue organdy, with V-neck, cap sleeves, and a matching ribbon belt. She loved the way it felt when she moved and couldn't wait to dance in it. The silver heels that they wore were the perfect accent. Janey wore a sleeveless V-neck chiffon dress with embroidery on the empire waist. It had a soft, A-line skirt with a chapel-length train. Annie had never seen her so happy and glowing. _

_Annie had tried several times to find Bobby, but she couldn't see all the guests from her vantage point. Finally they were all standing in line, waiting to walk down the aisle. Janey looked beautiful and radiant; her father looked nervous and proud. Although Annie had not believed her own promise that everything would go without a hitch, it actually turned out to be true. As her turn came to walk, she quickly looked for Bobby. He was seated on the bride's side, near the back. Their eyes met and she smiled at him. He smiled back, but she couldn't read his expression._

_The ceremony was beautiful. As she walked back down the aisle, escorted by the best man, she smiled at Bobby again. And again she could not tell what he was thinking. The wedding party formed a receiving line to greet guests as they exited, which seemed to take forever. Bobby was one of the last to come through. He kissed Janey, shook Rob's hand, and met both sets of parents. When he reached Annie, the reception line had pretty much dissolved and everyone was mingling. _

_He kissed her briefly and said, "I borrowed Lewis' car. Can you ride with me to the reception?"_

"_No, I have to go with the rest of the wedding party in the limo after we take pictures. I'll meet you there."_

"_OK." He kissed her again. _

_At the reception, Annie was seated at the long table in front for the wedding party. Finally, after dinner was over and the toasts had been made, she felt she could go sit with Bobby. As Janey and Rob went out on the dance floor for the first dance, Annie made her way to Bobby's table. The seat next to him was empty and she sat down as they watched Janey and Rob dance. _

_She asked him, "Was the chicken good?"_

"_Yes it was. How were the vegetables?"_

_Annie giggled. "They were fine. Do you want to dance?"_

"_Maybe later." _

_They sat in silence and watched as people joined Janey and Rob on the dance floor. Finally, after the third song, Annie said, "Bobby, please tell me what's wrong."_

_He sighed and answered, "Not now, Annie. Look, you don't have to sit here with me. You can go mingle with your friends."_

_She looked at him for a moment. Was she being dismissed? It certainly felt like it and now she was becoming irritated. _

"_Fine", she snapped. "Since you obviously aren't interested in being here or being with me, don't feel you have to wait around. I'll take a cab home." _

_With that she got up and walked away. She headed back towards her seat, but half-way there the best man, Rob's brother, asked her to dance. She almost said no, but changed her mind and went out on the dance floor with him. She danced with several different men, trying not to look to see if Bobby had left. She laughed at their jokes and fended off some of the more inebriated bachelors. _

_She didn't know if Bobby was still there and she resisted the temptation to look for him. She desperately wanted to find him and force him to tell her what was wrong. But this was her best friend's wedding reception and she wasn't going to let him ruin it for her. She was determined to have a good time. And she almost succeeded at pushing her concerns and fears about Bobby to the back of her mind. Her laughter changed from forced to real. She realized that in the course of pretending to have fun, she had begun to actually have fun. She and her roommates danced together. She knew that when Janey tossed her bouquet, she would be aiming for Annie. So Annie made sure she was behind some very motivated single women._

_Janey's sixteen year old nephew shyly asked her to dance and tried to teach her the steps to a new dance. She laughed as she tried to follow his lead and found the dance too complicated for her. Another teenager asked her to dance, then another. She wasn't sure how she had become belle of the teen group. When a waltz began to play, one of the boys asked her to dance._

"_Do you know how to waltz?" she asked. _

"_Waltz?! No way!"_

"_Well, I'm sorry. But this is a waltz and if you don't know how, I'll just sit this one out."_

"_I know how to waltz", a voice said behind her._

_She whirled around and saw Bobby standing there. He held his hand out to her and waited for her answer. She smiled and put her hand in his. He led her to the dance floor and pulled her into his arms. He was telling the truth about knowing how to waltz and she smiled up at him and he led her around the floor. He smiled back at her and she could feel him relax as they danced. For the first time since they came back from Connecticut he seemed happy. Annie wished the waltz could last forever. When it ended she started to pull away, but Bobby held onto her hand and kept his arm around her waist as "When a Man Loves a Woman" began. He held her close as they began to dance again. They didn't speak, but Bobby never took his eyes off her. _

_Janey and Rob made their exit amid a shower of rice. The reception continued, but people began to drift off. Emily and her boyfriend left. Sue and Rob's brother had become very friendly and they left together. Annie had a feeling that she would be alone in the apartment tonight. _

"_I think I'm ready to go, if you are", Annie told Bobby._

"_I'm ready."_

_Bobby retrieved Annie's shawl and stood behind her as he wrapped it around her shoulders. He put his arms around her and held her for a moment with his face next to hers. She leaned back against him and rested her head on his chest. _

_They held hands on the way to Annie's apartment. She unlocked her door and turned to say goodnight. Bobby seemed nervous and agitated. _

_He asked, "Can I come in for a minute? We need to talk." _

_She hesitated before answering, "OK."_

_Annie took her shawl off, folded it, and placed it on the end of the sofa. Bobby was uncomfortable and didn't say anything. Annie waited._

_Finally she asked, "Do you want some coffee? I can make some."_

"_N..no. No thank you." He looked at her for a long moment before saying, "Annie, I need to tell you something."_

"_OK, tell me."_

"_I..I've been planning to….I want, I mean, I think…this isn't……" Annie waited for him to find the words. Bobby took a deep breath, rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, and said, "I was planning to tell you that we should stop seeing each other."_

"_Oh." She couldn't think of anything else to say. It felt as though her brain was engulfed in a fog and she couldn't find any other words. She went to the sofa and sat down. She could hear Bobby pacing behind her, but he didn't say anything. She felt cold and rubbed her arms, and then she rubbed her hands back and forth on the sofa cushion on either side of her. She wanted to cry, to ask why, to plead with him. But she wouldn't do any of those things. If he didn't want to be with her, she wouldn't try to change his mind. She sighed. _

"_OK, Bobby, if that's what you want."_

"_It's _not _what I want, damn it!" He came over and sat on the coffee table in front of her. Annie was even more confused now. She tried to look at him, but he wouldn't meet her eyes. _

"_It's not? I…I don't understand. Then…..why?"_

_He ran his hand through his hair. He still wouldn't look at her. _

"_Look, Annie, you have this great family and you're really close to them. I…I…just…I can't tell you how….my family isn't….like that."_

_His family? This was about his family? She felt a small bit of relief. She thought it was about sex, or about him not being in love with her. Surely his family wasn't an insurmountable obstacle._

_Bobby finally seemed to find the words he was looking for and went on._

"_When we went to Connecticut and met your family, they were great. I watched you with them and everyone just seems to love each other so much and to enjoy being together. They made me feel like I was a part of the family, too." He lowered his voice and added, "They made me feel like I wanted to be a part of the family. Then, that last night, when we were on the couch, as you were falling asleep, you whispered 'I love you.' Suddenly I knew that I had to end it before I hurt you. I was planning to take you to lunch tomorrow and tell you that we have to stop seeing each other."_

_Annie gasped softly. She thought she was dreaming when she said she loved him. _

_Bobby took her hands in his and finally looked at her. "But tonight I watched you during the wedding and at the reception. You were so beautiful, and I watched you laughing with your friends and dancing with all those men. Even the ones who were out of line, you treated them with humor and grace. And that teenaged boy was so smitten with you, and you looked like a teenager yourself. After you told me you would find another way home, I was going to leave. But I just couldn't stop watching you. And then I couldn't resist dancing with you. When we danced, I looked at the way you turned your head like you were shy, the way you smiled up at me like I was the only man in the room. I just held you and I kept thinking, 'I want to spend the rest of my life dancing with this woman.'" _

_Now she couldn't stop the tears that slipped down her cheeks. But she was confused. What was he telling her? Was he breaking it off or not?_

_Bobby sighed and looked back down. "But I can't. I don't have a family like yours. I can't even ask you to meet them; much less become a part of this mess."_

_Annie sighed and decided she had to lighten the mood before she threw herself in his arms and begged him to stay._

"_This is about your family? Why, is your father a serial killer?"_

_Bobby looked up at her and she smiled at him. He smiled slightly and shook his head. He was still holding her hands and now she squeezed his hands. _

"_Bobby, there is nothing you can tell me about your family that will change how I feel about you."_

"_You can't know that. You have no idea what my family is like." He sounded almost angry._

_Annie looked him in the eyes and replied, "I don't have to know anything about them. I know you. And I know me. Even if your father is a serial killer, it wouldn't change how I feel. Now, if _you_ are the serial killer—that might be a problem for me."_

_He just looked at her laughing face for a long moment. Then he took her face between his hands and leaned over to kiss her. It was a long, desperate kiss. Annie reached up and grasped the front of his shirt in her hands, and kissed him back. He sighed and pressed his forehead against hers, his eyes closed. He stayed like that for a long time before he dropped his hands and sat back to look at her._

"_OK, here it is. My mother is schizophrenic. She started showing symptoms when I was seven years old. She was in and out of mental hospitals all the time I was growing up. She will be great for a while, taking her medication, functioning, taking care of herself. Then she will stop taking the medications, or something will set her off, and she'll have a psychotic break and have to be admitted. I never know what I'm going to find when I call her or go to see her. So that's dear old Mom._

"_Dear old Dad isn't much better. He left us when I was eleven. He couldn't take Mom's craziness, but decided she was OK to raise Frank and me. As long as he didn't have to be responsible for us, it didn't really matter. My whole life, even before he left us, he was gambling, drinking, sleeping around. He hasn't changed much over the years. He's a salesman—at times he's a great salesman. But he never seems to have much money, just enough to get by. And to supply his gambling and alcohol._

"_Then there's my big brother, Frank. He's the one Mom thought was going to be a famous scientist because he was so smart. And he is smart, but he's also addicted to gambling and drugs. When he's clean and working a program, he's great to be around. He's funny and intelligent, and he can hold onto a job and live in an apartment, like a normal person. But it never lasts long. He goes back to gambling and drugs, loses his job. He will move in with either Mom or Dad, and they make all kinds of excuses for him, especially Mom. It's never Frank's fault. The only big difference between Dad and Frank is that Dad has always managed to hold onto his job."_

_Annie was silent while he talked, but now she reached over and took his hands in hers. She waited to see if he was going to say anything else, but he didn't._

"_Is that it?" She smiled at him. "Not a serial killer in the bunch?"_

_Bobby smiled and shook his head. "No serial killers. But I've taken women to meet my mother before." He hesitated and added, "It never goes well."_

"_Then it's a good thing that you only need to introduce her to one more woman."_

_She smiled as Bobby looked at her solemnly. He didn't answer, so she slid off the couch, onto her knees in front of him. She grasped his shirt and pulled his head down so she could kiss him. He shook his head and pulled away._

"_Annie, don't", he whispered._

_She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest._

"_Bobby, please let me in."_

_He put his arms around her and rested his cheek on the top of her head. He held her for a long time before sighing and pulling away so that he could look her in the face. _

"_Alright, Annie. But you don't know what you're getting yourself into." He sighed and hesitated before asking, "Will you have lunch with my mother and me tomorrow?" _

"_Yes I will."_

"_About last night. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you. I….I thought I wouldn't be seeing you for much longer and suddenly I just couldn't let you go." He held her face between his hands and kissed her. "I can't tell you how much I want to make love to you. But I never intended to push you. I didn't mean to…to make you say 'no'." _

_She put her arms around his neck and returned his kiss. "Don't apologize Bobby. I'm the one who started it and I'm sorry." _

_Bobby stood up and pulled her up with him. "I should go now. I'll have Lewis' car tomorrow. I'll pick you up around 11:30. Is Sal's OK?"_

"_Sal's is fine. And I'll be ready."_

"_Annie, even when Mom is on her meds and not acting crazy, she can be a handful. And she has hated every woman I've introduced her to. Even when she pretended to like them—which didn't happen very often."_

"_Stop worrying, we will be fine. Now go home so I can get some beauty sleep before meeting your mother."_

_Bobby laughed and hugged her tightly before kissing her goodnight. _

**End Chapter 5**


	6. Chapter 6

September 11, 2001

**September 11, 2001**

**Chapter 6**

As the afternoon wore on, the hope of finding survivors dimmed. Still, the area hospitals remained in full disaster plan mode. No one asked to go home, hoping against hope that soon they would be needed.

Rumors began to circulate that victims were being pulled from the rubble and transported to area hospitals. Family members began arriving, asking if their loved ones had been brought in. They brought with them pictures of their loved ones and it broke Annie's heart to have to turn them away. Some of them left to continue searching other hospitals or to return to the missing person's center that had been set up at the Armory on Lexington Avenue. Some stayed in the waiting room, hoping to see an ambulance bringing in survivors. They began hanging the pictures on the wall outside the ER. The fliers began appearing on the walls of all the hospitals.

Three police officers and two firefighters were brought in. One officer had slipped and fallen. He had minor cuts and bruises and one laceration to his forearm that needed sutures. The others were all having difficulty breathing after hours of exposure to the dust while digging through the debris. None of them were seriously hurt.

Annie didn't know any of them, but she asked them if they had seen Bobby or Alex. None of them had. Their eyes were sad as they acknowledged the fear she was trying to keep tight rein of. She knew that if she allowed it to, the fear would overwhelm her.

_As she got ready for lunch the next day, the self-confidence she had displayed for Bobby slipped. She didn't have a lot experience with mental illness. There were, of course, mentally ill patients who came into the ER at times. She did the best she could to get a psychiatric consult as quickly as possible in those situations. But this wasn't just any mentally ill person, and she wouldn't be able to foist her off onto a psychiatric resident. This was Bobby's mother and Annie could see now that despite his lack of communication about his family, his mother was very important to him. At 11:30, Bobby knocked on her door. She put a smile on her face and tried to pretend that she wasn't nervous. _

_They walked down to the street where Lewis' car was parked. Annie saw a grey-haired woman sitting in the front seat. She was thin, her posture ramrod straight. Although her clothes were not expensive, she managed to look elegant. _

_Bobby leaned down to her open window and said, "Mom, I'd like you to meet Annie Paine. Annie, this is my mother, Frances Goren."_

_Annie held her hand out and said, "I'm very glad to meet you, Mrs. Goren."_

_Frances looked at her for a moment before extending her own hand to Annie and saying, "Very nice to meet you, Miss Paine."_

"_Please call me Annie." _

_Bobby opened the back door and Annie got in. On the drive to Sal's, Bobby tried to include Annie in the conversation. But Frances never looked back at her and barely acknowledged her presence in the car._

_Bobby said, "Annie is an Emergency Room nurse." Frances replied, "How interesting. Did I tell you that Frank has a new job? He will be doing research. You could have been a scientist, too, if you had gone to college instead of going into the Army." _

_Bobby glanced back at Annie in the rear view mirror. She smiled at him. He tried again. "Mom, you would love the house that Annie grew up in, up in Connecticut. It's this great old farmhouse, built by her great-grandfather. Her uncle has a farm with horses. Would you believe I went for a ride on the beach?"_

"_Your grandfather's club had horses, and I used to ride quite a bit as a girl. I think that's what caught your father's eye, seeing me on a horse. I always regretted not teaching you and your brother to ride. You were so big and gangly. I doubt you would have been very good at it. But Frank, he would have made a good rider." _

_And so it went, for the entire ride. Every time Bobby tried to steer the conversation to Annie or include her in any way, his mother would change the subject. Mostly, it seemed to Annie, she was comparing Bobby to his brother Frank, with Bobby always coming up short. Being in the back seat of the car made it difficult to join the conversation anyway, and Frances was making it clear that she had no intention of including her. So Annie just sat back and relaxed; she didn't even try to enter the conversation. While sitting at a traffic light, Bobby looked back at her. She could see he was embarrassed by his mother's behavior. Annie smiled again and winked at him to reassure him that she wasn't offended._

_At the restaurant, Bobby opened his mother's door and helped her out of the car. Without looking back, Frances walked into the restaurant and stood inside the door. She walked with a regal air. Annie imagined her as a child, spending hours perfecting her posture by walking around the house balancing books on her head. Bobby opened Annie's door and held out his hand to help her. As she stepped out of the car, Bobby watched her with a worried look. _

"_I'm sorry, Annie. I warned you that she can be….difficult. I can take you home if you want to leave. I'll understand."_

_Annie smiled reassuringly at him and lightly patted his chest. "Don't worry so much, Bobby. It's going to be fine. Just give it a chance. OK?"_

_He looked at her doubtfully, but didn't answer. They joined Frances inside and were soon seated at a table. They ordered and as they waited for their salads, Bobby again tried to engage both his mother and Annie in conversation. Now that they were facing one another, Frances suddenly seemed to have nothing to say. She gave crisp, one word answers when Bobby spoke to her. Annie tried to rescue him and join the conversation, but it was difficult to keep it going with Frances sitting there so sullenly. _

_The salads were served and there was silence as they began eating. About half way through her salad Frances said, "Bobby, I left my purse in the car. Will you go get it for me please?"_

_Bobby hesitated and said, "You don't need your purse, Mom. I'm buying lunch."_

"_I need to freshen my lipstick and it is in my purse." She fixed him with a look that had probably stopped any arguments when he was a child. "Please will you go get my purse?" _

_Bobby still hesitated and looked from Frances to Annie. Annie was tempted to laugh at the fear in his eyes. He was twenty nine years old, six feet four inches, and had to weigh over two hundred pounds. Yet he was afraid of this small, frail-looking, grey-haired woman. Annie found that incredibly amusing, but she resisted laughing out loud at him. Finally he nodded his head and stood up. He glanced at them both again before walking towards the front door. _

_Frances didn't waste any time. "So, you are the reason my son suddenly doesn't have time to spend with his mother." _

"_Yes I am." Annie looked at her steadily. Frances considered her for a moment before trying again._

"_Are you sleeping with him?" she asked. _

"_No," Annie answered simply. _

"_How long have you known him?" _

"_About a year. His friend Lewis got hurt while they were working on a car and Bobby brought him to the emergency room." _

_Frances snorted derisively. "Lewis! That boy must have been hiding under a table when God handed out common sense. He's a disaster waiting to happen. So, tell me, Annie…..are you in love with my son?"_

_Annie hadn't expected to have this conversation the first time she met Bobby's mother, but here it was. She took a deep breath and said, "Yes I am. And I hope he feels the same way about me. I hope you and I can be friends. Your opinion is very important to Bobby."_

"_And why would I want to be friends with the woman who is trying to take my son away?" Frances fixed Annie with the same look she had given Bobby. Annie refused to let her see how intimidated she was and returned her look calmly. _

"_Maybe to make your son happy?" Annie waited a moment, but Frances didn't respond. She just kept looking at her. Finally Annie continued. "Look, Mrs. Goren, I don't want to get off on the wrong foot here. It's true I am in love with your son. I don't say that lightly. I've had very little experience in dating or relationships. But I know how I feel. I think Bobby is the most interesting, intelligent, fascinating man I've ever met, and he's drop-dead gorgeous to boot. And the truth is that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But he hasn't asked. I'm certain about what I want and I'm determined to do whatever it takes to make it work. You can ignore me or be rude to me, but you aren't going to run me off. I will do what I can to change your opinion of me, but I won't leave voluntarily. _

"_However, if you make it clear that you don't like me and that you will make his life miserable if he pursues a relationship with me, Bobby might just stop seeing me. But is that really the kind of mother you want to be? Do you really want to have a lonely fifty year old son living at home just to take care of you? Or would you rather have a happy fifty year old son living in his own home with his own family who will all look after you?"_

_Annie wasn't sure, but she thought she detected the slightest glimmer of a smile on Frances' face. _

"_Has Bobby told you that I am schizophrenic?" _

_Annie told her, "Yes he has."_

"_And it wouldn't bother you to have a crazy old woman as a mother-in-law?"_

"_Oh no, not at all. I'll make sure we have a nice roomy attic with a good strong lock on the outside of the door", Annie said with a straight face._

_The forkful of salad in Frances' hand froze in midair. She looked at Annie with shock, her mouth slightly gaping. She stared for a moment and then asked, "Has anyone ever told you that you are a smartass?"_

"_Oh yes. But Grandpa says every family needs a smartass. And I happen to be very good at it." _

_Now Frances' mouth definitely turned up in a smile and she began to giggle. The giggle turned to laughter and she laid her fork back on her plate. She was laughing harder now, and Annie began to giggle. By the time Bobby returned to the table with his mother's purse, both women were laughing loudly and drawing attention from the other diners. Bobby sat down and looked from one to the other with a bewildered look on his face, which caused them to laugh even harder. Finally the laughter slowed and Frances wiped tears from her eyes. _

_When they were somewhat calm Bobby asked, "What was so funny?" Frances seemed to find the question hilarious and began laughing again. When she was able to get a breath she answered, "It's a long story. Annie will tell you about it some day. I think I'm done with my salad. Where is our waiter? I'm ready for my entrée."_

_Bobby signaled the waiter to take their salads. He kept looking from Frances to Annie, trying to understand what had happened to them since he left the table. Their food was brought to them and they began eating, with an occasional giggle from Frances. Annie thought it was time to change the subject and include Bobby. _

"_Mrs. Goren, what was Bobby's favorite meal when he was growing up? Did he always like Italian food so much?" _

"_Oh, that boy would eat spaghetti and meatballs every day if I would make them. Mrs. Rosini upstairs taught me how to make sauce and meatballs. Bobby just loved it. If I wouldn't make it for him, he would go upstairs and ask Mrs. Rosini if she was making any. He dated their daughter for a while in high school. I always thought he would marry her just so he could have her mother's spaghetti and meatballs every day." _

_Frances laughed and Annie laughed with her. Bobby laughed, but he still looked confused. He said, "Frank always wanted your meatloaf. You made the best in the world."_

_Annie asked, "What kind of books did Bobby read?"_

"_He read everything he could get his hands on. I don't remember that he liked any one subject more than any other. As much as he read, I couldn't understand why his grades weren't better than they were. Frank made straight A's, but Bobby always squeaked by with C's." Bobby shifted uncomfortably, but Frances changed the subject. "Do you read very much?"_

"_As much as possible. Right now I'm reading—well, rereading actually—'The Good Earth'. I love Pearl S. Buck."_

_Bobby said, "Mom, didn't you hear her give a lecture about China when you were in college?" _

_Annie exclaimed, "You heard her speak? That must have been amazing."_

"_Yes, it was amazing. She was very passionate about China." Frances' attention was drawn to a couple at another table and she frowned as she lowered her voice and said, "That woman is old enough to be that boy's mother. Do you think they are having an affair?" _

_Bobby and Annie both looked at the couple in question. Bobby began to answer, "Ma, it's none of our business what they…..", but Annie interrupted. _

"_Actually, no, they aren't having an affair. He is her son's best friend. Her son recently told the family that he is gay and his father has disowned him and forbidden anyone to have contact with him. So his mother invited his best friend (not his boyfriend, you understand) to lunch so she can ask how her son is. Before they leave, she will give him a letter and some money to give to him. He is an artist barely making ends meet and she wants to help him, but she doesn't want her husband to find out. _

"_Now that man and woman, they are having an affair", she continued, nodding to another couple. "They are both feeling extremely guilty because his wife is her best friend and her husband is his best friend. And his wife is pregnant with their third child, and is having a difficult pregnancy. So he can't leave her. But they just can't seem to break off their affair." _

_She stopped when she realized that Bobby and Frances were both looking at her as though she had grown another head. Bobby found his voice first._

"_W..What are you talking about?"_

_She smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry. It's an old game Grandpa and I used to play. 'People Watching', he called it. We used to watch people and make up stories about their lives. We would play it almost anywhere we went, especially if we had to wait in lines."_

_Frances smiled and then began to chuckle. "Well, I like a good story. Tell us some more." She saw Bobby look from his mother to Annie in disbelief. Annie began making up more stories about the people in the restaurant, both customers and staff. Their waiter was the son of the owner of the restaurant, who was a millionaire, and the son was learning the business from the bottom up. The bartender was a mob hit man in the witness protection program. A group of college students were aliens from a dying planet, scouting out living conditions on earth. _

_Bobby was silent for most of the meal. But Frances laughed at Annie's stories and even joined in at Annie's insistence. By the time they finished dessert, Frances had made up a story about two men in business suits being spies plotting the overthrow of a South American dictator. _

_As they walked out to the car, Frances suddenly stopped and looked up at Bobby._

"_We haven't been to the Metropolitan Museum in a long time. Why don't we take Annie?"_

"_Y…You mean today", Bobby asked in disbelief._

"_Yes, today. Do you have plans?"_

_Bobby looked at Annie, nonplussed. She just smiled and said, "I don't have any plans. I'd love to go, if it's OK with Bobby."_

"_Good", Frances said, as Bobby opened her car door and she got in._

_Bobby closed her door and turned to Annie. He didn't open her door right away, but looked at her for a moment. _

"_What the hell just happened in there", he asked. "What did you two talk about while I was gone?"_

"_About you, mostly. And I told her that when we get married we would have an attic with a strong lock for her."_

_He stared at her. "Y…You told her _what_? Annie, my mother has no sense of humor about her mental illness. None."_

_Annie smiled up at him innocently. "She doesn't? Oh, sorry. I guess you should have mentioned that sooner. OK, no more crazy old lady in the attic jokes."_

_Bobby stared at her, at a loss for words, so he just opened her door silently. Annie smiled and kissed him quickly on the cheek before getting in._

_They spent the rest of the afternoon at the museum. Frances and Bobby were both very knowledgeable about art and Annie was fascinated listening to both of them. After the museum, Frances insisted that they come home with her so she could make dinner for them. In deference to Annie's vegetarianism, she made Macaroni and Cheese. Annie decided it was the best Macaroni and Cheese she had ever eaten. Bobby and Annie cleaned up after dinner. They spent the evening laughing and talking about books. When they left, Frances kissed Bobby on the cheek and then hugged Annie and kissed her on the cheek too._

_Bobby seemed at a loss for words on the drive back to Annie's apartment. He was silent until they were standing outside her door._

"_I…I don't understand what happened today. My mother is hardly ever like that with me. She has never acted like this with any woman I've introduced her to. In fact, of the few that I've taken to meet her, you're the only one she's been willing to see again. You're the only who has been willing to see her again. What did you do?"_

"_I don't know. I mean, while we were alone she let me know she didn't like me. I just told her that I love you, that she wasn't going to drive me away, and that she would be making a mistake if she made you so miserable that you stopped seeing me. She's the one who brought up being a 'crazy old lady'. I just made a joke about locking her in the attic. She thought it was funny and called me a smartass. That's when you came back in. That's all there was to it. Really."_

"_You told her that you're in love with me?"_

_Suddenly Annie was nervous. She looked down and didn't answer. He had never told her that he was in love with her and she had now said it twice. Bobby put a finger under her chin and tilted her head back so she was looking up at him. He looked into her eyes for a long moment before brushing his lips across her forehead. He gently kissed her eyes, her cheeks, her ears, and moved down to her throat. His tongue teased the sensitive hollow of her throat, causing shivers to run through her. He kissed his way back to her face. _

"_I love you Annie", he whispered in her ear. Her breath caught in her throat and she put her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close as his mouth covered hers. They stood in the hallway like that for a long time, kissing. Finally Bobby told her he would call her the next morning. She opened her door and stood in the doorway watching him walk away. _

_The next morning, Bobby called and told her that his mother wanted them to come over and look at family albums. He sounded as though he still couldn't believe it. Annie told him she would love to go back to see his mother and suggested they pick up lunch for the three of them on the way. _

_Bobby hesitated and told her, "You know, Annie, I've got to leave in a few days. I don't want to rush any of this, but……well, I called my Dad and he wants to take us and Frank out to dinner tonight. Are you up for more of my family? I haven't given him an answer yet. We can wait until I'm back on leave if you want."_

"_Dinner will be fine, Bobby. Has anyone told you that you worry too much?"_

_He sighed in relief and told her he would pick her up around 11:00. They picked up Mexican food for lunch. Annie knew a place that made soy tacos—her favorite food. They spent the afternoon looking at Frances' albums. There were pictures of her as a beautiful young woman, her parents, and Bobby and his brother growing up. _

_Annie was struck by the sadness in the eyes of the child Bobby. His baby pictures showed a chubby, happy baby. But as he got older, there were very few of him smiling or laughing. One picture in particular tugged at her heart. It was eight year old Bobby's first day of third grade. He stood in his new clothes, holding a book bag. It was one of the few pictures where he was smiling, but the smile didn't seem to extend to his eyes. He wasn't looking at the camera, but at someone standing behind the person taking the picture. He was looking at the person with sadness and uncertainty. Somehow Annie knew that the person he was looking at was his mother. He had told her that his mother started showing symptoms of mental illness when he was seven. She could see that by the time he was eight, his world was filled with fear and uncertainty. _

_She was quiet as she ran her fingers over the face of the unhappy child in the picture. She could hear Frances and Bobby talking and laughing, but she wasn't concentrating on their words. Finally she heard Frances speaking to her._

"_You seem to like that picture a lot. Would you like to have it?"_

"_Y..Yes, I would. Thank you very much." Frances pulled the picture from the album and handed it to her. She met Bobby's eyes over his mother's head and she was struck by his expression. It was the same as in the picture. His lips were smiling, but his eyes were sad. It seemed to her that he could read her thoughts and knew that she had realized how unhappy his childhood had been. She smiled at him. If he was reading her thoughts, she hoped he could read how much in love with him she was. _

_When they left, Frances told Bobby that she wanted to see them both again before he left for Korea. She gave Annie her phone number and insisted that she keep in touch with her while Bobby was gone. Bobby was again shocked into silence._

_Bobby's father had arranged to meet them at a pub for dinner. He and Frank were already there and both had already had two drinks before Bobby and Annie got there. He introduced her to his father and brother. Bobby sometimes had a drink when they went out, once he realized that she didn't mind. But tonight he asked ordered iced tea for himself and Annie. _

_William Goren was older than Frances, around sixty. He was still handsome and had a beautiful head of silver hair. He was charming and complimented Annie frequently. She could understand how he was able to romance so many women. He must have been irresistible in his younger days. Frank was three years older than Bobby. He was a bit shorter; his hair was also brown, but lighter and straight, and his eyes were also a lighter shade of brown than Bobby's. He was handsome as well and almost as charming as their father._

_William and Frank monopolized the conversation. Bobby joined in and joked with them some, but mostly he was quiet. As William and Frank had more drinks, their joking seemed to take on an edge of cruelty that made Annie uncomfortable. They found Annie's refusal to drink or to have steak hilarious and they kept insisting and teasing. It passed the line of good fun and although she didn't let it bother her, she could feel Bobby's anger as he shifted in his seat. She reached over and squeezed his hand to let him know she was OK. At that point, their teasing turned to Bobby. But their stories lacked the warmth and love that accompanied the stories Annie's family told about one another. Under the guise of telling funny stories about his childhood escapades, it was obvious that they were simply trying to embarrass him in front of Annie. She reached for his hand again and this time laced her fingers through his and stayed like that. She had finished eating and Bobby seemed to have lost his appetite. _

_As she watched William and Frank, she wondered if Bobby's whole life had been like this—on the outside looking in. While Frances held Frank's achievements above Bobby's, she at least seemed to love Bobby and to rely on him. William and Frank, on the other hand, seemed to have a closed club that Bobby was not allowed to join. With his mother's uncertain mental health, and William and Frank shutting him out, his childhood must have been terribly lonely. _

_Bobby announced that it was time for them to leave and they all stood. William and Frank both hugged Annie goodbye. William and Frank stayed to continue drinking. Bobby and Annie walked outside to Lewis' car._

_Before opening the car door for her, Bobby turned and leaned back against the car, pulling her to him. She put her arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. He held her tightly and rested his chin on her head._

"_Well, you've met the family. It's not too late to change your mind."_

_Annie squeezed him tighter and wondered at this insecure Bobby. He was someone she didn't recognize. In all their time together he had been confident whether he was talking about profiling serial killers, cars, books, or art. He smiled and laughed easily, teased Annie gently, and was at ease with everyone he met. But just a short time in the company of his family and he was an insecure little boy looking for validation. She pulled her head back to look up at him. _

"_I'm not going anywhere, Big Boy. Get used to it."_

_He looked at her for a moment before lowering his head to kiss her. They spent most of the next two days together. They didn't do anything special, just enjoyed each other's company. They took long walks in the park, or cuddled on Annie's sofa, reading. One afternoon he told her he needed to take his mother on some errands, but he came back to take her out for dinner. On his last full day before leaving, they again went to his mother's apartment for the afternoon. Frances had a turntable and a lot of vinyl records. She and Annie had a good-natured debate over whether Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin was the best singer; Frances voted for Frank, while Annie was a dedicated Dino fan. _

_They left early in the afternoon and Bobby dropped her off at her apartment. He told her he was taking her somewhere special for dinner, so she changed into her favorite purple dress. Bobby was wearing a suit and tie when he came to pick her up. It was a beautiful night and he asked if they could walk. The restaurant was romantic with soft lighting, candles on the tables, and a violinist wandering around playing softly. Dinner was wonderful. Bobby was smiling, relaxed, and talkative. He kept reaching to hold her hand across the table. They held hands as they walked home. Once they left the restaurant, Bobby seemed nervous and became quiet. He detoured through a park and steered her to a bench. They sat and stared up at the stars, with Bobby's arm around her and her head resting on his shoulder. _

"_Annie, I love you", he said softly. _

_She reached up and laid her hand on his cheek. "I love you too, Bobby."_

_He covered her hand with his and turned his face to kiss the palm of her hand. He laced his fingers through hers and held her hand in his lap. He seemed to be struggling for words._

"_Annie….I want you to know….I've never….its hard for me to…with my family…."_

_Annie sat up and faced him. "Bobby, for heaven's sake, just say what you want to say. I've met your family and they aren't as bad as you think they are. No family is perfect. What do you want to tell me? Do you have another crazy relative, or another addict? How about an illegitimate child? Lay it on me." She laughed up at him. _

_Bobby looked at her without answering for a moment. Then with no hesitation he said. "I want to tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He slid off the bench onto one knee, pulled a small jewelry box out of his pocket, and opened it. _

"_Annie Paine, will you marry me?"_

_She stared at him in shock. She had not seen this coming. She had hoped for it to happen—some day. But she never expected it now. She looked from his face to the beautiful small diamond ring in the box and back to his face. She realized that he had a frightened look in his eyes. He wasn't sure of her answer and was afraid she would say no. She smiled at him and found her voice._

"_Of course I'll marry you." She threw her arms around his neck and felt tears running down her cheeks. Bobby sighed with relief and held her tight. Then he pulled back so he could put the ring on her finger. He held her face between his hands and stayed on one knee, kissing her over and over. _

**End Chapter 6**


	7. Chapter 7

September 11, 2001

**September 11, 2001**

**Chapter 7**

Early in the evening the hospital administrator met with the heads of all the departments to discuss the need to continue with the disaster plan. Although there had been few wounded survivors so far, and the outlook for more was dim, it was decided to continue for another twenty-four hours and then reassess. The staff was asked to stay. They brought extra cots into the lounge so that the staff could stagger "nap breaks" throughout the night. Because cell phones were not working and land line phones were overloaded, few people were able to contact loved ones. The hospital administrator offered to allow the staff to take turns using a few of the computers in order to access their e-mail.

Annie knew that her grandfather and the rest of her family must be worried. She didn't know how much information the Carmel Ridge staff was allowing Frances to have, but she would be worried also. When her turn came to use the computer, she sent a message to Janey first. She was worried about how the children were reacting to what was going on. She told Janey that she would be at the hospital for at least another twenty-four hours; she had not been able to contact Bobby, but to just tell the kids that he was working and would be home as soon as he could. Her grandfather didn't have e-mail, but she sent messages to her uncle and cousins telling them that she, Bobby, and the kids were all OK and that she and Bobby were working. She sent an e-mail to Carmel Ridge with the same information. She did not mention that she had not talked to Bobby since just after the second plane hit the south tower, or that she did not know where he was.

Around 7:00 PM, Annie was just discharging a little girl who had fallen off her bike and needed sutures on her leg, when she was called to the reception desk. Janey was there with Ally, Phillip, and Andrew. All three of the children ran to her and she knelt down, put her arms around them, and held them tightly. It felt so good to hold them.

The boys were excitedly telling her about their day and the games they had played in Janey's backyard. Annie noticed that Ally was quiet and that she was watching the TV at the desk with an anxious look on her face. So Annie told the receptionist that she was taking her dinner break and would be in the cafeteria. She herded the kids away from the TV.

Annie wasn't really hungry, but she bought a salad for herself. Janey told her that the kids had already eaten dinner, so she let them pick out dessert. As they sat at a table far away from the TV that had been brought into the cafeteria, she listened to more of the boys' stories. They were too young to understand the magnitude of what was happening, and found it a treat to be able to spend the night with their best friend on a school night.

Ally was quiet as she ate her ice cream and finally she asked, "Mommy, where is Daddy?"

"He's working, Sweetheart, like I am."

"Is he in his office?"

Annie hesitated and glanced at Janey before answering. "I don't know where he is exactly. But I don't think he is in his office."

Andrew spoke up. "Daddy is looking for the bad guys", he stated confidently.

Phillip said, "Yeah, Daddy always gets the bad guys."

Annie leaned her chin on her hand and smiled at their unquestioning faith in their father. Ally seemed to accept the boys' explanation about Bobby, but then asked, "Are all those people in the waiting room hurt?"

"No, most of them are just here looking for family that they think might have gotten hurt today."

Ally thought about this and then asked, "And you're taking care of the hurt people?"

She struggled with how much to tell them about the death toll. She was always honest with her children, but she didn't know how to tell them that most of the people in those towers when they collapsed had not been hurt, but had died. She decided now was not the time. Later, when she and Bobby were together, they would talk to the kids about how serious this was.

"Yes, Ally, we are taking care of hurt people who come here. The doctors and nurses at all of the hospitals are staying all night just like we are doing here, so that we can take care of any hurt people."

That seemed to satisfy Ally and she went back to her ice cream. Annie sat and talked with the kids and with Janey for an hour, then she knew that Janey needed to get them home so she could put them and her own kids to bed. They walked back to the ER and Annie walked outside with them to say goodbye. Ally noticed the wall where family members had been hanging missing person fliers, and stopped. She stared at the fliers solemnly and silently. Annie knelt down behind Ally and put her arms around her.

"You know that your Daddy is going to do his very best to help find those people."

Ally didn't answer, but she turned and put her arms around her mother's neck and buried her face against her. After a moment, Annie kissed the top of her head and told her that they needed to go. She kissed each of one of them and told them to mind Janey (she looked emphatically at the boys when she said that), and that she hoped to be home with them tomorrow night.

Annie watched them walk away to the car. Then she turned and looked at the wall of fliers. She fought back tears as she looked at all the pictures and descriptions. Finally she turned away from the fliers and looked in through the glass doors at the people sitting quietly in the waiting room, hoping to see a loved one being brought in by ambulance. She sighed deeply and walked back in and went to work.

"_I'll be back in six months—is that too soon to get married?"_

_She couldn't answer because he kept kissing her. Finally she pushed him away so she could catch her breath. _

"_Six months? I think we can do that. I just want a small, simple wedding. Is that OK with you?"_

"_Whatever you want. Just tell me where and when. You know, I won't be able to help you much from Korea. But, I know my mother would love to help you, i..if you want, that is."_

"_Your mother knows?"_

_He smiled uncertainly, not knowing if she would be angry that he told his mother before asking her. "Those errands I had to run with my mother yesterday? We went ring shopping. She helped me pick this out." _

_Again she saw his insecurity in his eyes. Only with his family was he like this. She loved strong, confident Bobby. But insecure Bobby tugged at her heart, making her want to put her arms around him and tell him everything would be OK. She took his face between her hands and kissed him. _

"_The ring is beautiful and I would very much like for your mother to help me plan the wedding. I know the girls will help me, but I don't have a mother and if yours will stand in, I will be honored." _

_They sat on the bench until late that night, kissing and planning their future. The wedding would be in November. Six months after that Bobby would leave the Army. They discussed it and it didn't make sense for Annie to quit her job for nine months in order to join him in Korea. As difficult as it would be to be separated for so long after being married, they agreed that Annie should stay in her apartment until Bobby returned to New York. Annie suggested waiting to get married until he was discharged from the Army, but Bobby was emphatic that he wanted to marry her as soon as possible._

_Bobby left for Korea the next day. Annie called her grandfather to tell him the news. He was ecstatic for her and said he was happy to welcome Bobby into the family. She told her roommates next and they squealed with joy. She didn't want to bother Janey on her honeymoon, but she knew she would never forgive her if she didn't tell her right away. Janey was thrilled and more than happy for this interruption. She promised they would get together as soon as she returned so they could plan. She called Frances the next day and nearly every day after that. They had lunch together at least once a week._

_The next three months flew by. Bobby tried to call at least once a week and they continued writing long letters every day. The plans came together quickly. They would be married in the small church that Grandpa had attended his entire life and the reception would be held in the banquet room of a small inn. He asked her if she wanted to wear her mother's wedding dress. After trying it on, she decided she would wear it. It would need very little alteration. She felt that by wearing the dress, she would have her parents with her on her wedding day. _

_For several days in a row, Annie had been calling Frances. They were planning to have lunch on Annie's next day off. But each time she called, Frances seemed distracted and some of the things she said didn't make sense. She kept talking about bugs in her apartment. Annie suggested she call the super if she was having a problem, but Frances just said that she would find them. _

_On the day they were to meet for lunch, Annie went to Frances' apartment. She heard yelling coming from the apartment as she came up the stairs, and then a crash. She ran to the door and knocked. There was no answer, but she could hear Frances yelling inside. Annie tried the door and it was unlocked, so she opened it and went in calling Frances' name. _

_She couldn't believe what she saw. The apartment looked like a tornado had hit it. Papers and books were strewn everywhere. The coffee table and one of the chairs in the living room were turned on their sides. Cabinet doors were open and the contents lying on the floor. She didn't see Frances as she walked from the living room to the kitchen, where she saw the same mess. Cupboards open, dishes and cooking utensils strewn on the counters, table, and floor. _

_Annie called Frances' name again. Now she heard the yelling again, louder and distinct. "I won't have bugs in my home! I won't!" It was coming from the bedroom. Annie followed the sound and found Frances pulling shoes from the closet. The dresser drawers were open, and as in the other rooms, the contents strewn on the floor. Annie stood in the doorway for a moment before speaking. _

"_Frances? What is going on? What are you doing?"_

_Frances ignored her and continued to dig through the closet, muttering to herself. Annie went over to her and gently touched her shoulder. Frances whirled around and looked at her. Annie was shocked at her appearance. Frances, who was usually so meticulous with her grooming and her clothes, looked as though she had not bathed in days. Her hair was dirty and standing up as though she had been running her hands through it. She was wearing a nightgown and bathrobe that were wrinkled and looked like she had been wearing them for days. She looked at Annie with wide eyes._

"_Did you find them? I can't find them. But I hear them, I know they're here. Bobby, where's Bobby? He'll find them. He always finds them."_

"_Bobby's in Korea, Frances, you know that. What are you looking for? I'll help you."_

_Frances looked at her blankly, then said, "No, no, no, no. Bobby finds them. Frank can't ever find them, but Bobby knows where they are. Tell Bobby, just tell Bobby. He knows how much I hate bugs. He will come, he'll find them."_

_She went back to digging in the closet. Annie wasn't sure what to do. She went to the bathroom, which was in the same shape as the rest of the apartment. The medicine cabinet was empty, so she searched through the mess on the floor and found a bottle of medicine, an antipsychotic. She looked at the date on the bottle, the directions, and then she opened it and counted the pills. It looked as though Frances had not been taking her medication for at least two weeks. She rolled one of the pills into her hand and went to get a glass of water. _

_Back in the bedroom, Frances had moved from the closet and was digging through all the clothing on the floor. Annie squatted next to her and said as gently as possible, "Frances, I need you to take this pill, OK? Then I'll help you find the bugs. Please take this." _

_Frances looked at the pill in Annie's hand for a moment and then hit her hand, knocking the pill to the floor. "No, no, no, no, no! Get it! Get that bug! Where's Bobby? He knows how to find them! Where is he?"_

_Annie sighed and picked up the pill. She went to the living room. She found the phone and looked for an address book or list of phone numbers. Frances went to the kitchen. Annie could hear her rummaging through the mess on the counters and the floor, yelling about bugs. She dialed the phone number for Bobby's small studio apartment on the base, but there was no answer. She looked at her watch. It was 12:30 PM, which meant it was 1:30 in the morning in South Korea. If he wasn't home at that hour, he must not be on base. She knew that sometimes he traveled during an investigation. _

_Annie finally found a list of phone numbers on the floor and there was a number listed for Frank. She hoped it was a current number, since Bobby had told her Frank moved around a lot. She called the number and Frank picked up on the third ring._

"_Yeah?" _

"_Frank?" _

"_Who wants to know?" He wasn't sounding very friendly. _

"_Frank, this is Annie Paine, Bobby's fiancée." _

_There was silence for a moment, and then he said, "Annie? Oh sure, Annie. How are you? Hey, Bobby told me you guys are getting married. Congratulations."_

"_Thank you, and I'm fine. Frank, I'm with your mother right now. It looks like she hasn't been taking her medications and she's hallucinating and tearing the place apart looking for bugs and I don't know what to do for her." She knew she was talking too fast. She paused and took a deep breath._

_Frank told her, "Hey, whoa there, slow down! Just give her a pill. She'll be fine."_

"_I tried, but she won't take it. She thought it was a bug. I just….I don't know what to do, Frank."_

"_Aren't you a nurse or something? You must have something you can give her."_

"_Yes I am a nurse, but I don't carry drugs around with me. I only give what is prescribed by a doctor—in the hospital. I'm out of my element here. Please Frank, can you come over? I don't know what to do."_

_Annie hadn't heard Frances come into the living room, so it startled her when she began yelling, "No, no, no, no, no! Frank doesn't know! Bobby, I need Bobby! Where's Bobby?"_

_Frank told Annie, "I'd like to help, but you heard her. She wants Bobby, not me. She always wants Bobby when she gets like this."_

_Annie was getting frustrated with his attitude and Frances' constant yelling wasn't helping. "I know she wants Bobby. But you and I know he can't be here. Please, please come over here and help me."_

"_Hey, she doesn't want me there, OK? She wants her precious Bobby. It's not my fault he decided to join the Army and 'see the world' and leave me here to take care of our crazy mother. I can't do anything with her when she's like this, and she doesn't want me around. So I stay away. If Bobby cares so much, let him come back and take care of her."_

_Annie's temper flared. "So you can't 'handle her' when she's not worshipping you as the perfect son? When she gets difficult to handle, you just bail? How many times has Bobby sat and listened to your mother recite the litany of your accomplishments and what a perfect son you are—and yet he manages to stick around and help her when she needs it!"_

_Frank was yelling now. "You don't know what you're talking about! You think because you screw my brother and go to lunch with my mother that you know anything about my family? You don't know squat!" _

_The line went dead. Annie hung up the phone and turned to look at Frances, who was now pulling the cushions from the couch while continuing to yell. There was a loud knock at the door and she went to the small foyer. She had left the door open and there were two uniformed police officers standing there. Before she could get to the door, Frances screamed and pushed past her. She ran to the front door and tried to slam it shut. One of the officers put his hand up and kept it from shutting. Frances kept trying to close the door. _

_Annie tried to talk to Frances, but she wasn't listening. So Annie put her arms around Frances' waist and pulled her away from the door. Frances turned and ran back to the living room. Annie opened the door and the officers came in. They introduced themselves as Officers Randall and Johns. _

_Officer Randall told Annie that there had been several complaints from neighbors about yelling and crashing noises for two days. Annie led them to the living room, where Frances was standing in the middle of the room. When she saw the officers, her eyes widened with fear and matters went from bad to worse. Frances began yelling again and throwing books and other items at the police officers. Annie tried to get to her to stop her, but the officers were quicker. _

_They grabbed her on either side and pulled her arms behind her. Officer Johns handcuffed her wrists behind her. Frances was hysterical now, screaming incoherently and crying. Annie tried to get to her to comfort her, but Officer Johns warned her to stay out of the way as they pushed Frances towards the door. Annie was crying now as well. _

"_Please let go of her! She doesn't know what she's doing. She's schizophrenic and I think she's off her meds. Please! You're scaring her!"_

_Officer Randall told her, "You need to stand back, Ma'am. She just assaulted two police officers. We are going to take her to Bellevue for a seventy two hour hold. You can see her there once they get her admitted."_

_Annie watched helplessly as they half dragged Frances out of the apartment. She followed them out to the street where they put her in the back of a squad car and drove away. She was shaking as she went back to the apartment and looked around at the devastation. She wasn't sure what to do. She called Frank again and told him what had happened. _

"_They took her to Bellevue for seventy two hours. Frank, she's really scared. I think it would help if you would go see her."_

_Frank laughed bitterly. "She's spent so much time there they probably have a room with her name on it. She'll be fine. They'll have her so full of drugs pretty soon that she won't even know if I'm there or not."_

"_Frank, please…..", but he had already hung up. Annie sat down on the couch and put her face in her hands for several minutes. Finally she sighed and got up. She searched until she found Frances' keys, used them to lock the door as she went out, and then she headed for her car. She drove to Bellevue and asked to see Frances. But after keeping her waiting for two hours, they told her that only family would be allowed to see her until the next day. _

_Not knowing what else to do, Annie drove back to Frances' apartment and let herself in. She tried calling Bobby's apartment again, not really expecting him to answer. Then she called the base switchboard and left a message for him to call her as soon as possible, either at her apartment or his mother's. _

_She spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening trying to put the apartment back together. She was able to finish the living room and kitchen before going home for the night. She would return the next day to work on the bedroom and bathroom. Bobby didn't call that night. Back at her apartment she told Sue and Emily what had happened, and called Janey to talk to her. Janey wasn't working the next day and promised to help Annie finish cleaning Frances' apartment. _

_In the morning, Annie drove to Bellevue again. They let her see Frances, but she was medicated. She sat in a chair in her room, staring out the window. She barely acknowledged Annie's presence. Annie sat with her for an hour then kissed her cheek and promised to come back in the afternoon._

_When she let herself into Frances' apartment, she found Frank there going through the desk. He turned when she came in and smiled. _

"_Hey Annie. Bobby's 'little woman'. How ya doin'?" She looked around at the living room that she had cleaned the night before. Papers from the desk were spread out haphazardly on top of the desk and on the floor. Frances' purse was empty and lying on the floor, the contents had been dumped on the sofa. She looked at Frank, saw that his pupils were dilated, and realized that he was high on something. Bobby said cocaine was his drug of choice lately and she assumed that was the culprit. He seemed friendly and happy at the moment and she didn't want to provoke him, but she was irritable from worry and lack of sleep. _

"_What are you doing here, Frank? If you are looking for your mother she's at Bellevue. Or did you come to help clean the apartment?"_

"_Hey, the apartment doesn't look so bad. I don't know what you were all upset about yesterday."_

"_It doesn't_ _look bad in here because I cleaned up", she said looking pointedly at the mess Frank had made. But he seemed oblivious, so she went on. "Have you been in the bedroom or bathroom? That is how the entire apartment looked yesterday. I could use some help getting it cleaned up before your mother comes home. I'm going to take her some clothes and something to read when I go back this afternoon. Would you like to go with me?"_

_Frank snorted derisively. "Like she would even know I'm there. No thanks. The crazy thing just doesn't appeal to me. I'll come see her when she gets home. Well, I gotta go. Supposed to meet someone. See ya."_

_Frank paused at the front door and turned back to her. "Lucky Bobby, marrying a nursemaid for our crazy mother. Good deal."_

_Annie didn't reply, she just watched him leave. She sighed and turned back to the mess. She checked the contents of Frances' purse and wallet. There was no money in the wallet. She didn't know if it was empty before Frank came in or not. But her checkbook was there and all the checks seemed to be accounted for. As she was cleaning up the desk there was a knock at the front door. It was Janey and Annie was so happy to see her that she hugged her. She told her what had happened with Frank. Janey had no problem believing he had taken money out of his mother's purse. They finished cleaning the apartment. It went quickly with two of them working._

_After putting together some clothes and books to take to Frances, they got ready to leave. They were planning to get some lunch before Annie went back to Bellevue. She considered the possibility of Frank coming back and this time possibly taking Frances' checkbook. She thought it would look bad if she kept the checkbook herself, so she took it out of the purse and found a hiding place for it in a box of pictures in the back of a closet. _

_When Annie arrived at Bellevue, Frances was in bed. She opened her eyes and watched as Annie showed her the clothes and books she had brought and hung the clothes in the small closet. She kept up a steady stream of chatter, telling Frances stories about the people she had seen at lunch and in the hospital. Frances didn't respond but she kept her eyes on Annie. Annie raised the head of the bed so that Frances was semi-reclining. She sat in the chair next to the bed and began to read one of the books she had brought, a book of poetry by Elizabeth Barrett Browning._

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

I love thee to the level of every day's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for right.

I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

_She sat and read for the most of the afternoon. She made Frances get up and walk with her to the activity room, and told her more stories. She helped her back to her room and read to her until supper was brought to her. She sat with Frances and made sure she ate at least half of her food. After supper, she helped Frances to dress for bed, then sat and sang softly to her until she fell asleep. _

_The doctor came in once to check on Frances. He wouldn't tell Annie anything about her condition because she was not family, although he assured her that Frances was receiving the treatment she needed. _

_Annie got home around 9:30 that night. Although it wasn't late, she was exhausted. The drama of the day before, the sleepless night, cleaning Frances' apartment, and spending long hours with her talking and reading nonstop were taking their toll. Emily had made spaghetti for dinner and she and Sue insisted Annie eat something. Then she went to her room and lay down on her bed, too tired to change into her pajamas. The phone next to her bed rang and she picked it up._

"_Annie?" _

"_Bobby!" She sat up on the bed. "Bobby, I'm so glad to hear your voice."_

"_I just got back on base and I had an urgent message to call you. What's wrong? Are you alright?"_

_She was so relieved to hear his voice she almost began crying right then. But she kept control as she briefly explained what had happened with his mother, and where she was. _

"_Oh, Annie, I'm so sorry you were caught in the middle of this. She's been doing so well….I guess I just….I thought maybe this time it would last. You shouldn't have felt like you had to handle it. I should have made sure you had Frank's phone number. I'm sorry."_

"_I did call Frank. When I couldn't reach you, I found his number in your mother's desk and called him. But he wouldn't come over. He said that she only wants you when she gets like that. She was asking for you. She said you knew how to find the bugs."_

_Bobby sighed. "Bugs. That's an old one. Its been around since I was a kid. I can't tell you how many times I've crawled around on the floor catching 'bugs'. Are you OK?"_

"_I'm fine. I just didn't know what to do. I tried to give her one of her pills, but she wouldn't take it. Then she started throwing things at the police officers and everything was so out of control. They took her to Bellevue on a seventy two hour hold. She's sedated, but this afternoon she was at least awake. The doctor won't tell me anything because I'm not family."_

"_I'll call them and see what I can find out. If they can keep her long enough to get her medication regulated she should be OK—until next time. But you don't have to worry about this. I'll call Frank and he'll take care of getting her home and settled."_

"_Frank?! I don't see him helping. I couldn't get him to come over yesterday, and today he refused to even go see her in the hospital. He was high when I saw him today, how is he going to take care of her?"_

"_Yeah, I know he doesn't like going to the hospital. We spent a lot of time when we were kids visiting her there. I'll talk to him. It'll be OK."_

_Her fatigue and the stress of the last two days made Annie's tone sharp. "I don't think you're getting this Bobby. Frank bit my head off yesterday. He said you joined the Army so that you wouldn't have to take care of her, that you left him to do it. He called her crazy. He yelled at me, said I didn't know anything about your family, and he hung up on me." Reliving that phone call made her angry and her voice became louder. "I'm standing in the middle of _his_ mother's apartment that she has torn to pieces, she's totally out her mind, yelling about bugs, and he just hangs up on me!" _

_Bobby's voice was soft and persuasive. "Annie, I know he's got a problem with drugs. It hasn't been easy for Frank."_

"_Now you sound like your mother. 'Poor Frank, nothing ever goes right for him.' Maybe you and your mother need to stop making excuses for him. Why are you defending him?" _

_Bobby's voice was tinged with anger. "I'm not defending him and I'm not making excuses for him. I'm just saying you don't know Frank, you don't know what it was like for him, for us."_

"_I know a junkie when I see one! And I know what codependency looks like. He isn't going to lift a finger to help your mother because all he cares about is himself and where his next fix is coming from."_

_Bobby's voice was angry and harsh this time. "Stop it! Frank was right, you don't know anything about this family. He was taking care of Mom when he was just a kid, and he was taking care of me, too. Who do you think got me up and made me get ready for school when our mother was crawling around her room looking for bugs? Or when she would really go crazy and get locked up? He was the oldest and he was the one that it all got dumped on. Dad wasn't around to help, but he sure was around to yell at Frank if he got a B instead of straight A's. It wasn't easy for me, and it sure wasn't easy for Frank. Who can blame him for not wanting to come running every time she gets like this? You've seen her like this one time, Annie, one time. Do you know how many times Frank was the one to call the hospital and watch her get dragged away? You don't have any right to judge him."_

_Hot, angry tears were running down her face. "No right? You and Frank wouldn't even know where your mother is right now if it weren't for me. The police would have taken her away and you just wouldn't have gotten an answer when you called. And how long would it have taken Frank to figure out she wasn't home? I'm the one who was here, Bobby. I'm the one who had to stand there and watch her get handcuffed and thrown in a police car. I'm the one who spent yesterday and today cleaning her apartment. I'm the one who spent a good part of today reading to her and keeping her company." _

_She took a deep breath and went on, "I'm sorry Frank had such a crappy childhood, but it doesn't excuse abandoning his mother now. She is sick and she needs someone to be there for her when she gets like this. Frank needs to get over himself and take some responsibility for his own life. And you need to stop being your mother's whipping boy and stop letting your brother and your father treat you like crap!"_

"_Don't tell me what I need, or what my family needs. You've known them for, what? Three months? And now you're an expert on what we all need? You think that because you were able to charm my mother into liking you, now you can save our whole family. You're just going to tell us what we've been doing wrong and how to fix it, is that right?"_

"_Now you sound like your brother. Do you know what he said to me, Bobby? Do you want to know? He said that I think I know all about your family because I'm 'screwing' you and because I've had a few lunches with your mother. He said you joined the Army so you could stick him with taking care of your 'crazy' mother. He said you are marrying me so you will have a nursemaid for your mother. Do you know he was at her apartment today when I went to clean it? And he sure wasn't there to help clean. He made a mess going through her desk and her purse. What do you suppose he was looking for, Bobby? Her wallet was empty. Do you think it was empty when he got there?"_

"_Stop it! Just stop. Do you think you're telling me anything I don't know? I know my brother's an addict. I've been there. I've seen him when he's high; I've seen him when he's trying to kick it. You don't have any proof that he took anything from her wallet or her apartment. And you don't have to worry about my mother anymore. I'll call the hospital and take care of arrangements, and I'll call Frank and work things out with him."_

"_Fine, you 'work things out' with Frank, since you two are the experts and I don't know what I'm talking about. It's getting late here. I need to go."_

_Bobby's voice softened. "Annie, I didn't mean…."_

"_Don't. Just don't. I need to go. Goodbye."_

"_OK. I….OK. Goodbye."_

_After she hung up Annie took a long, hot shower so that her roommates wouldn't hear her crying. She didn't sleep very much for the second night in a row. She lay awake thinking about the phone call. She and Bobby had never had a fight before, only good-natured debates about art or movies. She didn't like ending the call while they were both still angry, but it was difficult to resolve things when they were thousands of miles apart. She finally fell into a restless sleep just before dawn. _

**End Chapter 7**


	8. Chapter 8

September 11, 2001

**September 11, 2001**

**Chapter 8**

"Excuse me, nurse. Have you seen my husband?"

Annie looked at the small, frail-looking, elderly lady. She had to be in her eighty's. She was standing at the reception desk, holding a picture of a handsome, silver-haired man.

"This is my Harold. Harold Scott. I've been looking for him all day. Is he here?"

Annie took the picture from the woman and looked at it closely. Her heart sank as she recognized the distinguished-looking man. Harold was there. He had been found a few miles from the World Trade Center and brought in by ambulance. He must have been close to the site at some point because his clothing was covered with the dust and debris from the area. There was an inhaler in his pocket, but no wallet.

The inhaler indicated a history of lung disease. When the ambulance brought him in, he was having difficulty breathing and could not answer any questions. They had worked to save him, but the dust from the collapse of the buildings was too much for his already damaged lungs. He had passed away just thirty minutes earlier, with Annie holding his hand. He had not been able to answer any questions about who he was, and so had been listed as a "John Doe".

She looked at the hopeful face of Harold's wife. She was sure the man in the picture was the man whose body was still in one of the rooms just a few feet away.

"Mrs. Scott, its one o'clock in the morning. What are you doing out so late? Does your family know where you are?" Annie was stalling, hoping there was family she could call before giving Mrs. Scott the bad news.

"No, you see I sneaked out of the apartment. My granddaughter was staying with me and I didn't want to wake her. But I have never been able to sleep very well without Harold next to me, and wondering all day where he could be….well, I just had to get up and do something. We just celebrated our sixtieth wedding anniversary in June, you know. Since I couldn't sleep, I decided to just go looking for him myself. I called a cab so I could go to the hospitals in the area. This is the third one I've been to. Is he here?"

"Why don't you give me your phone number so I can call your granddaughter? I'm sure she would want to be with you while you look for him."

"No, dear. She would just want to take me home and we would argue. I just want to look for Harold."

Annie sighed and couldn't delay any longer. She needed some way to identify the man and she didn't want to give Mrs. Scott false hope. So she told her, "Mrs. Scott, there is a man here who passed away. He looks like your husband's picture, but he doesn't have any identification on him. Can you tell me what your husband was wearing?"

The hopeful look faded from the woman's face as she answered, "He had an appointment with our stock broker, so he was wearing a suit. A black suit with a white shirt, and a purple tie with silver designs on it. Our great grandson gave it to him for his birthday."

The black suit and white shirt were right, but there was no tie. He must have taken it off and lost it at some point during the day.

"Oh, and his pocket watch. He has a gold pocket watch. It belonged to my father and I gave it to him on our wedding day. He always carries it with him."

That confirmed it for Annie. The man had somehow lost his wallet, but inside his jacket pocket was a beautiful old gold watch.

"The man who passed away had a gold pocket watch. Ma'am, why don't you come and sit down while I call your family? I think it would be better if one of them identified him."

The woman's eyes filled with tears, but she maintained her composure.

"I don't need to sit down, dear. I will give you my phone number so you can call my granddaughter. But I would like to see Harold, please", she said firmly.

Annie looked at the woman for a moment, and then she smiled sadly at her and nodded her head. She wrote down the number Mrs. Scott gave her. Then she took her arm and escorted her to the room where Harold was lying. Mrs. Scott approached him and stood looking at his face for a moment. She looked back up at Annie.

"Yes, yes….this is Harold. His clothes are all dirty. What happened to him?"

"I'm not sure, Mrs. Scott. He was brought in by ambulance a few hours ago. We think he must have been in the vicinity of the World Trade Center when the buildings collapsed, and then was wandering around all day. He didn't have a wallet with him; he must have dropped it or it fell out somewhere. But he did have an inhaler with him. Did he have asthma? Or COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease)?"

"Yes, he had COPD. He uses oxygen at night, but he doesn't always need it. He always hated taking those portable tanks with him. He told me he would be fine with just his inhaler. I should have insisted that he take the tank."

"I don't think it would have made a difference. The dust was just too much. We have had strong healthy firefighters and police officers in here today with breathing problems because of it. Someone with your husband's condition just couldn't overcome all that dust."

Mrs. Scott looked at Annie and nodded. She picked up Harold's hand and held it in both of hers. She asked, "May I stay with him for a little while?"

"Yes, of course. I'll get you a chair. Then I'll call your granddaughter."

She got the chair for the woman and then she made the phone call. She explained to the granddaughter that Mr. Scott was there and had passed away, and that Mrs. Scott had come looking for him. The granddaughter thanked her and said that she would call her parents to meet her there.

Annie went back to check on Mrs. Scott. She hadn't sat down in the chair. She was standing by her husband's body, holding his hand in one of her hands and caressing his face with her other hand. She looked up when Annie came in and told her that her family was on their way. Her face was wet.

"Tell me something…..Annie, is it? Tell me something Annie. Was someone with Harold when he passed away?"

"Yes, Ma'am, there was a doctor, a resident, another nurse, and myself. I…um….I was holding his hand when he passed away."

"Good, I'm glad of that. Harold hated to be alone. He always wanted me in the room with him. He loves sports and I hate them. A few years ago we finally bought a second TV, so that I could watch something else while he was watching sports. But it was a waste of money. He just didn't like being in a room alone. He insisted that I be with him. So I would read or knit while he watched his sports. I'm glad that he wasn't alone when he died."

Annie didn't answer because she was afraid she was going to cry. Mrs. Scott smiled at her through her tears. Then she turned back to her husband. She sat down in the chair, still holding his hand. Annie felt a lump in her chest. As she walked out of the room, Mrs. Scott began to sing softly.

It was about an hour before Mrs. Scott's son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter arrived. Annie checked on her several times and offered to get her water or tea. Mrs. Scott politely refused. She just sat holding her husband's hand, and occasionally she reached up to lovingly caress his face. When her family arrived, Annie showed them to the room and left them alone.

Mrs. Scott's son finally convinced her that it was time to leave. As they were walking out, Mrs. Scott stopped at the desk where Annie was standing. She reached out as though to shake Annie's hand. But instead, she pressed something into Annie's hand. It was the gold watch.

Mrs. Scott said, "I want you to have this, Annie. You have been so kind to Harold and to me. I know he would want you to have it."

Annie looked at the watch in her hand and couldn't speak for a moment. But then she pressed the watch back into Mrs. Scott's hand and firmly closed her fingers around it.

"You are very sweet, Ma'am. But I can't accept this. I want you to take this watch home and when you are ready, give it to one of your children or grandchildren. I think your father and your husband would want you to keep it in the family."

Tears filled the elderly woman's eyes as she looked up at Annie and smiled tremulously.

"Annie, are you married? Do you have children?"

"Yes, I am married and I have three children."

"Treasure every minute with them. One day you will wake up and realize that sixty years have passed in the blink of an eye. But if you have lots of happy memories, it makes all the difference."

Annie watched them walk away and the lump in her chest seemed to grow so big that she thought she couldn't breathe. She abruptly told the receptionist that she was taking a break and walked out of the ER. There weren't many places to be alone in the hospital, but she desperately needed to be by herself. She went to the stairwell that led down to the basement. She went in and let the door slam shut behind her.

Annie sat on the first step. She put her face in her hands and leaned down to rest her hands on her knees. The tears she had been holding back all day began to flow. All the worry about Bobby, the look on her daughter's face as she looked at the missing person fliers, the sorrow on the faces of people looking for family members, the fatigue, the waiting and hoping that they would begin bringing survivors in from the rubble, the growing knowledge that there were very few people who survived, and the sad acceptance on the face of the woman who had just lost her husband of sixty years all welled up in her until she wanted to sob and to scream. Instead, she cried and cried, hugging herself and rocking back and forth.

She didn't know how long she sat there, but finally she had cried herself out. She sat quietly, bent over and hugging her knees. She heard the door open quietly and someone came in, but she didn't look up until a tissue was handed to her. She looked up and saw Dr. Myers, one of the attending doctors in the ER. He silently held out the tissue to her. She took it and wiped her eyes, then blew her nose. He didn't say anything, and she was grateful because she didn't want to talk to anyone. They sat there in the stairwell in silence for several minutes. Finally Dr. Myers handed her a clean tissue. Annie wiped her face and stood up. He stood up with her, still saying nothing, and opened the door for her. She walked out of the stairwell and turned to him.

"Thank you", she said simply. She couldn't think of anything else to say. He just smiled at her, nodded, and turned to go back to the ER. Annie watched him walk away. She went to the women's bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. Then she went back to the ER and back to work.

_The ringing of the phone woke her. The clock said 10:00 AM. Her head hurt and she felt like she was in a fog. She picked up the telephone. "Hello?"_

"_Ms. Paine? This is Sarah Johnson at Bellevue Hospital. I'm Mrs. Goren's nurse. She is asking for you. Her doctor is going to be here around 11:00 and Mrs. Goren wants you to be here with her to talk to him. Will you be able to come?"_

_She looked at the clock again. An hour to get dressed and get to the hospital. She sighed and told the nurse she would be there as soon as she could._

_When she arrived just after 11:00, the doctor wasn't there yet. Frances was up and dressed. She was more alert, but her affect was still somewhat flat. Annie sat and talked to her for a few minutes until the doctor arrived._

_He sat on the side of the bed and told Annie, "Mrs. Goren said she wanted you to be here and she signed release of information to allow me to speak to you about her condition. She is responding well to the antipsychotic medication. She is still having hallucinations, but the sedative is helping to keep her calm. We would like to keep her here for another week or two to make sure her drug levels are therapeutic and she is responding to treatment. However, since she doesn't seem to be posing a danger to herself or others, we can't keep her if she refuses—which she does. She insists she wants to go home and she has promised to comply with her treatment. But we are concerned that she lives alone. I think she would do better if someone were with her, at least for a while, to make sure she is taking her medication._

"_Her son, Robert, your fiancé I believe, has been in touch with me from Korea. He had hoped to contact his brother and ask him to stay with her for a week or two. But he hasn't been able to contact him yet and neither have we. We still have the rest of today and tomorrow morning. But legally I have to release her tomorrow afternoon, whether arrangements have been made or not. Mrs. Goren thought you might be willing to stay with her, if we aren't able to make arrangements with her son."_

_Annie looked at Frances, who reached over and put a pale, frail-looking hand on hers. She said, "I know I don't have any right to ask you this. But Frank is so busy with his job and Bobby isn't here. I'll understand if you say no, I just….I want to go home."_

_Annie sighed and squeezed Frances' hand. "You have every right to ask me, Frances. I'm almost family, aren't I? I'll make arrangements at work to take off next week and I'll come and stay with you. Don't worry, its going to be OK." _

_She stayed a while longer discussing Frances' medication and treatment regimen with the doctor. Then she went to her hospital and spoke with her supervisor. She explained the situation and asked for a week's vacation. She went back to the hospital and spent the rest of the afternoon with Frances. Bobby called and talked to his mother, but he didn't ask to speak to Annie and she didn't ask to speak to him. Frances told him that Annie would be staying with her when she went home, but Annie had no idea what he said about it. _

_By the time visiting hours were over she was more exhausted than she ever remembered being. She told Frances goodnight and promised to be back first thing in the morning. She went home thinking how very much she wanted to climb into her bed. She took a quick shower and dressed for bed, after assuring her roommates she had already eaten at the hospital. The phone rang as she was getting into bed. She knew immediately who it was._

"_Hello."_

"_Annie", Bobby's low voice was soft. Suddenly the toll of the last two days was too much and she began to cry, holding the phone to her ear but unable to answer. She cried for a long time. Bobby didn't say anything. When she was able to get herself under control and find her voice, she took a deep breath and apologized._

"_Bobby, I'm so sorry. You and Frank are right. I don't know anything about what your family has been through. I was just scared and I……I just wanted…..I'm sorry."_

"_No, Baby. I'm sorry. I had no right to say those things to you. You _are _part of this family and you can say whatever you want to me. Listen to me, OK? You were right about Frank. I keep hoping he's going to get his life together, but he's a junkie and he doesn't care about anyone but himself. I finally got hold of him, and you're right. He won't even go see her in the hospital and he definitely won't be going to stay with her and take care of her. I told him he can't talk to you like that again. And….and…I told him that we aren't sleeping together."_

"_You told him what?" For some reason, the fact that Bobby told his junkie brother about her virginity struck her as hilarious. She began to giggle, then to laugh. Tears were running down her cheeks again, but this time from laughter. She could hear Bobby calling her name and he sounded concerned, but she couldn't stop._

"_I'm s..sorry", she finally gasped._

"_Annie, are you alright? What's so funny?"_

"_I'm fine, really. I just….it hit me…." She couldn't go on for a minute, and then she composed herself and asked, "Did you really tell Frank that I'm a virgin? What did he say when he found out you aren't even getting any sex out this relationship?"_

_Bobby chuckled and didn't answer right away. "He called me an idiot." Annie howled with laughter and now she could hear Bobby laughing with her. _

_When they had both calmed down, Bobby told her, "Mom told me that you are going to stay with her. You don't have to do that you know."_

"_I know I don't. But I'm going to do it."_

"_It's not too late to run for the hills."_

"_Yes it is. It was too late the day you took that lollipop from me in the ER."_

_He chuckled again. "I love you, Nurse Paine."_

"_I love you too, Sergeant Goren."_

"_I wish I could kiss you right now."_

"_Me too."_

"_So…..what are you wearing?"_

_Annie started laughing again. "You really know how to ruin a Kodak moment, don't you?"_

"_It's getting late over there and I suspect you haven't slept much the last two nights. So I'm going to say good night. And I love you."_

"_Good night. And I love you too."_

_Annie stayed with Frances for two weeks. After the first week, she felt it was safe to leave her alone while she was at work. By the end of the second week, Frances seemed almost back to normal. Although there were times that she heard voices and occasionally she complained about bugs, she was able to care for herself again. Annie called her every day to remind her to take her mediation and ask how she was doing. On her days off she went to see her to make sure she was taking her medication and seeing her psychiatrist. _

_She knew that Frances had tried several times to call Frank, but was not able to reach him. Bobby called his mother once a week and when he called Frances complained that he was so far away. Annie began to notice that the more frustrated Frances was that she could not contact Frank, the more she took it out on Bobby. When she talked to him on the phone, it sounded as though Frank were coming to see her every day, although Annie knew that he had not been around. She continued to claim that Frank was a scientist with a research company, but Annie had not seen any evidence that he actually had a job. Nevertheless, Frances frequently compared Bobby to his "scientist" brother—always unfavorably. Annie decided to stay out of it and let Bobby deal with his mother in his own way. Until the day Frances turned to Annie with her complaints about Bobby._

_After a call from Bobby one day Frances told Annie, "I don't know why Bobby joined the Army. He's been in Germany and now Korea. I think he just wanted an excuse to stay away from the family. He could have gone to college like Frank did and stayed here close. But, oh no, he wanted to get away." She became more agitated as she talked. "He just wanted to be rid of me, his crazy mother. Frank stayed here, he has never been ashamed of me. But Bobby has always resented me. He never wanted to take care of me. He says he is done with the Army when his time is up, but I don't believe it. He'll find a reason to stay and go half-way around the world, as far from his crazy mother as he can get."_

"_Stop it", Annie ordered and Frances looked up at her in surprise. Annie sat down on the sofa next to her and took one of her hands in hers. "Frances I want you to listen to me very carefully. The first time I met you I wanted you to like me because I knew it was important to Bobby. But then I started to care about you, and now I love you. But Bobby is the most important person in the world to me. And you can't talk about him like this. I don't like you talking _to _him like this either, but he's a big boy and it's between the two of you. But around me it has to stop. Do you understand?" _

_Frances nodded silently. Annie squeezed her hand and smiled. "Good. Now let's go get lunch." That was the last time they discussed it. Frances was careful not to complain about Bobby to Annie. She continued to give him a hard time when she spoke to him, but not as much if Annie were in the room. _

_Bobby returned three days before the wedding. Annie thought her heart would burst with love and pride when he walked through the airport gate in his uniform. The next day they drove to Connecticut. Bobby's family and their friends coming from New York arrived the day before the wedding. The small inn where the reception was being held was owned by a long-time friend of Annie's grandfather and she gave them an amazing discount on the rooms for all the visitors. Sue and Emily were staying at Grandpa's with Annie, as well has her cousin Marian. Janey left her new husband at the inn and insisted on spending Annie's last night as a single woman with her old roommates. The morning of the wedding they served her breakfast in bed just as Annie had done for Janey, and they all sang "Goin' To the Chapel." _

_Annie stood in the bride room of the church wearing her mother's wedding dress. She was surrounded by Marian, Janey, Sue, and Emily. The girls were chattering and laughing but Annie was silent, looking at her reflection in the full-length mirror. When Grandpa knocked on the door, her friends left them alone. He looked at her and his eyes filled with tears. _

"_You look so much like your mother did the day she married your father. They would be so proud of you."_

"_Oh Grandpa. I love you." _

_Now Annie was crying. Her grandfather hugged her and then he said a prayer for her and for Bobby and for their marriage. He kissed her cheek and told her he would meet her in the foyer to walk her down the aisle. _

_There was another knock on the door and Frances came in. She smiled at the sight of Annie in her wedding dress, and kissed her on the cheek. _

"_Annie, I just want you to know how happy I am that you are marrying into our family. I've never seen Bobby so happy, and I've always wanted a daughter. I know I can't take your mother's place, but I would be very proud for you to call me 'Mom'. If you want to, that is."_

_Annie thought how fruitless it was for her friends to spend so much time putting her makeup on her, since it seemed that she would be crying it all off before the ceremony even started._

"_I would be very happy to call you 'Mom'. Thank you. And I plan to keep on making Bobby happy because I love him so much."_

_Frances hugged her then wiped her tears away. "OK, enough of that maudlin stuff. Do you have something borrowed, something blue, some old, something new?"_

_Annie laughed. "Yes, I have it all covered. The garter, of course, is blue. I borrowed Janey's little beaded purse from her wedding, and inside that I have the handkerchief that my mother carried the day she got married. And for something new, I have this bracelet that Bobby gave me last night." _

_She held out her arm to show the delicate gold bracelet. _

"_Good, so you are covered. But, would it be OK if you had two things that are 'something old'? This belonged to my mother and she gave it to me on my wedding day. I want you to have it. I think it will be lovely with your dress."_

_Frances opened a jewelry case to reveal a beautiful string of pearls. Annie's tears started flowing again. Frances put the necklace on her and hugged her again before going to be seated._

_Annie would be very happy later that the ceremony was videotaped because all she could remember was seeing Bobby in his uniform waiting for her as she came down the aisle. Frank was his best man and seemed to be sober. Lewis and Annie's cousins were his ushers. Marian was the maid of honor and her three roommates were the bridesmaids. It was a lovely ceremony and she was glad to see on the videotape that it went smoothly._

_The reception at the inn was beautiful. She thought again that her heart might burst when Bobby took her in his arms for their first dance. _

_There was no alcohol served at Annie's insistence, but she suspected that William and Frank had been drinking between the ceremony and the reception. But she was glad to see that they were behaving themselves. They even seemed happy for Bobby. Frances was also having a very good day. She was enjoying her role as mother of the groom._

_Bobby danced with his mother and Annie danced with her grandfather. She danced with her new father-in-law and found him to be completely charming. Frank asked her for a dance and she followed him onto the dance floor. As they danced Frank smiled at her, and then looked pointedly at the pearls Frances had given her._

"_Well, this family doesn't have much of value but you managed to find something worthwhile, didn't you? I see Mom gave you the 'family jewels'. Congratulations."_

_Annie did a slow burn and considered several comebacks. Mostly she wanted to just slap his smug face and walk away. She looked over at Bobby and saw that he was watching them. She knew he could read her face, even from that distance, and would realize something was wrong. So she smiled at him, then she smiled up at her brother-in-law._

"_Tell me something Frank. Did it take you a long time to learn how to be such a jerk, or did it come naturally to you?"_

_Frank laughed loudly and attracted attention. He smiled down at Annie and said, "You know, Annie, I think you and I are going to have fun."_

"_Oh, I doubt that it's going to be fun. But it will be honest."_

_He laughed again. "Yeah, it'll be honest."_

_Neither of them saw Bobby approaching until he tapped Frank on the shoulder and asked, "May I cut in?"_

_Frank laughed again, gave Annie a mock bow, and walked away. Bobby pulled her into his arms and looked down at her._

"_What was that all about? I could see you were hurt and angry. What did he say to you?" _

_Annie saw the anger burning in his eyes. She smiled at him and said, "I don't want to talk about Frank on my wedding day, OK? I'll tell you about it another time. Just dance with me."_

_She felt him relax. He leaned down to kiss her and then held her close as they danced. She looked into her husband's eyes and thought that she had never imagined it was possible to love someone so much. She felt as though her heart would burst. Annie closed her eyes and laid her head against Bobby's chest as she tried to burn this moment into her memory._

**End Chapter 8**


	9. Chapter 9

September 11, 2001

**September 11, 2001**

**Chapter 9**

Around 5:00 AM, Annie tried sending an e-mail to Bobby's work account. She hoped that maybe he would go back to the squad room at some point and check his e-mail. She went into the doctor's lounge and lay down, but couldn't sleep. She lay there in the dark, listening to the even breathing of the others taking a sleep break. She thought about Bobby dancing her around the kitchen. Was that only yesterday? It seemed like weeks ago. She began to pray silently. She prayed for Bobby and Alex, the other detectives with MCS, Captain Deakins. She prayed for her children, for her grandfather, Frances. She prayed for the victims and the families. Finally she relaxed and dozed off for a few hours.

The morning of September 12 was much like September 11 had been, sunny and warm. Yet everything had changed. The staff continued to watch the news. And they continued to wait for victims. But the ER remained quiet, except for families searching for missing loved ones. Even the normal traffic of car accidents, broken bones, heart attacks were less than usual. It was as though everyone in the entire city was holding their breath as they watched the events unfolding at the World Trade Center, and wondering if there would be more attacks.

Throughout the day Annie checked her e-mail because the phones still were not working consistently. She received e-mails from her family, thankful that she and the family were OK. She received one from the administrator at Carmel Ridge telling her that Frances was worried, but reassured that she and Bobby were working. Janey sent her one telling her that Bobby had not returned home during the night and that she had left a note on their front door telling him where Annie and the kids were. But there was nothing from Bobby. She sent him another one anyway. She needed to feel that she had some connection with him and this seemed to be the only way. She told him how much she loved him.

The staff continued dealing with people looking for loved ones. Many of them came in over and over. They made the rounds of all the hospitals, as well as placing fliers all over the city. The fliers now covered the wall outside the hospital. Every time Annie went outside for a breath of fresh air, the sight of those fliers broke her heart.

Hospital administration finally decided they did not need to keep so many of the staff. Schedules were rearranged to allow for more staff than usual, just in case the rescuers began finding survivors. They brought in volunteers to deal with the family members searching for missing people. Annie was one of the people who would be going home tonight and returning in the morning.

She left at 7:00 PM. It was thirty three hours since she had arrived at the hospital, just over thirty four hours since the first attack—and since she had talked to Bobby. She walked through the waiting room and the families waiting quietly. She stopped to look at the fliers on the wall again. Then she turned and headed home.

_The owner of the inn had given them the bridal suite for their wedding night. The next day they were to drive to a small inn in upstate New York for their honeymoon. _

_Annie and Bobby had discussed their wedding night once during a phone call several weeks earlier and Bobby expressed concern that it would not be enjoyable for her since it would be her first time. She just laughed at him._

"_You know that I'm a nurse, right? I know all about the anatomy and physiology of coitus. I've seen more penises than you have. I've probably inserted catheters into more penises than you've ever seen. I think I'll survive."_

_There was silence for a moment before Bobby answered. "Are you going to talk like that on our wedding night? Because you're making me hot!"_

_Annie laughed. "Absolutely. Sexy medical terminology it is. Shall I tell you about all the prostate exams I've assisted with?'_

_Bobby moaned, "Oh baby!" And they both dissolved into laughter. _

_What Annie discovered on her wedding night was that, although she knew the "mechanics" of making love, she was completely unprepared for the intensity of both the sensations and the emotions. Her tears afterward frightened Bobby, thinking he had hurt her. _

_But she smiled at him and said, "Oh, we are gonna do _that_a lot!" _

_Bobby laughed in relief. He would find out that Annie's tears were a regular part of their lovemaking simply because she was so overwhelmed with emotion. _

_He grinned at her and asked, "Do you regret waiting so long?"_

_She giggled and replied, "No, not at all. But I do regret that I didn't meet you about ten years ago."_

_They both laughed and then Bobby brought her to tears again as he made gentle, passionate love to her. _

_They both wished they could stay at the inn forever, but Bobby only had two weeks leave. All too soon Annie had to see him off at the airport as he returned to Korea one last time. This was the most difficult parting yet, but Annie didn't give in to her tears until Bobby was safely on the plane. _

_It was strange returning to her apartment. She was a married woman, but living just the way she had as a single woman. She went back to work and life resumed pretty much as it had before the wedding. Bobby called once a week and they wrote long letters almost every day. She called her mother-in-law every day and saw her frequently on her days off. It would be another six months before Bobby returned, but at least he would be home for good then. A month before he returned, she found a small apartment for them and moved into it. _

_After he was discharged from the Army Bobby applied for, and was accepted into the NYPD academy. Bobby continued his friendship with Declan Gage, even after he was widely criticized for publicizing details about a serial killer, who then disappeared. She met him a few times, along with his sad-eyed teenage daughter. It was obvious the girl craved attention from her father that was not forthcoming. At least it was obvious to Annie. It didn't seem to be obvious to either Declan or Bobby. She was horrified the one time she visited the Gages' home by the widely displayed photos of gruesome murders and torture. She told Bobby that she supported his pursuit of a career in law enforcement, but that she could not live with those kinds of photos in her home, especially when children came along. She insisted that if he had to bring files home, they be kept securely locked up where she would not come upon them accidentally._

_Once he was working for the NYPD, Bobby went to college at night, thanks to the GI bill. He graduated with a degree in criminology. He insisted that they live on his salary alone and put all of Annie's salary in savings. As a result, by the time Ally was a year old they were able to make a nice down payment on a house. Annie was thrilled to find a house they both loved next door to her best friend, Janey. After that, most of her paycheck went to house payments as Bobby was determined to pay off the mortgage as quickly as possible. _

_They were so happy when Annie became pregnant. Bobby was tender and attentive throughout her pregnancy. Annie could never forget the day Ally was born, when the doctor put her in Bobby's arms for the first time. His face was full of wonder and his eyes brimmed with tears. Ally had opened her big blue eyes and gazed into her father's brown ones. Annie could see that she would forever be her Daddy's girl. _

_A year after Ally was born, William Goren died suddenly of a heart attack. It was a difficult time for Bobby. He was dealing with his own grief and unresolved issues between him and his father. At the same time he had to take care of all the arrangements and clean out William's apartment. Once he found out William had not left any money, Frank was nowhere to be found. He did, however, put in an appearance at the funeral and played the doting son to his grieving mother. Frances took the news of her ex-husband's death very hard, and Annie realized for the first time that Frances really had loved him._

_It was around that same time that Annie began going to church again. She rediscovered the faith of her childhood and quickly became very active in the church. She joined the choir and a women's Bible study group. She began working in the soup kitchen run by the church. She took the children to church faithfully. She read Bible stories to them and taught them to pray. Bobby didn't fully understand her newfound faith, but he always supported her in whatever she wanted._

_Frances' mental health deteriorated after William's death. She wouldn't take her medication or see her psychiatrist. The hallucinations returned with a vengeance. More than once she disappeared for days at a time, to be picked up by the police wandering the street. Despite her talk about Frank and his "career" and the constant unfavorable comparisons of Bobby to his older brother, she became more and more dependent on Bobby. When she was hallucinating and afraid, it was Bobby that she called for. Unfortunately, this was happening more and more frequently. _

_Finally, just before the birth of the twins, Bobby went to court to request that he be named her conservator and then he arranged for her to be admitted to Carmel Ridge Treatment Center. Frances was extremely angry with him and for months refused to see him. Annie visited her regularly, but Frances refused to discuss Bobby. It was Annie who took the newborn twins to see her for the first time. Eventually she began to do well with the supervision and structure of the facility. She finally agreed to see Bobby and they somewhat repaired their damaged and fragile relationship. They settled into a routine where Bobby called her every day and went to visit her at least once a week. Frank visited Frances occasionally, but months would go by without anyone hearing from him or knowing where he was. Frances always claimed he was just too busy with his "important research job" to visit. Annie and Bobby didn't try to dissuade her from her belief._

_Annie discovered that Bobby was right about his brother. When he was clean and working his program, he was actually a very funny and interesting person. She would watch Bobby and Frank talking about books, science, astronomy, and so many other subjects. They laughed easily together. Bobby was so happy during those times and Annie always prayed for them to continue. But they never lasted long. Frank would begin gambling, "just for fun", and before long he would be using drugs again. Then he would drop out of sight for months at a time. Even when he was clean and sober, she and Frank had an uneasy relationship. There was always tension between them and Frank seemed somewhat disdainful of her. The children, on the other hand, loved their Uncle Frank. He played with them and made them laugh. He was a wonderful uncle—until he would disappear yet again. _

_Bobby advanced quickly within the NYPD, thanks in part to the college classes he took, from patrol to detective, then to Narcotics. Annie was not happy with the four years he spent there, but she supported him as always. Before going to Narcotics, Bobby had always talked to her about his more interesting cases, although he didn't give her many details until a case was closed. The Narcotics division was different, especially because of the undercover work that he did. He rarely talked about his cases. He always told her when he was undercover and gave her a phone number for his Lieutenant in case there was an emergency. She was happy when he transferred to the Major Case Squad. He seemed happy, too. His training in profiling was an asset to him there and he thrived on getting into the minds of suspects. Bobby talked about Declan Gage at times and wished he could consult with him on some of his cases. But Declan seemed to have disappeared into obscurity and Bobby lost contact with him. Annie never said it, but she was happy Declan was not around._

_Life settled into a happy routine. That routine was severely disrupted and tested when Annie was attacked in the church kitchen and the child she was carrying died. But Bobby and her faith saw her through that difficult time, and she thought life would return to normal. Until the planes flew into the World Trade Center. _

**End Chapter 9**


	10. Chapter 10

SEPTEMBER 11, 2001

**SEPTEMBER 11, 2001**

**CHAPTER 10**

It was dusk as Annie drove down her street, and lights were going on inside houses. But as her house came into view, she saw that Bobby's car was not in the driveway and there were no lights on. She pulled into the driveway, shut off the engine, and just sat for a moment. She could see that Janey's car was missing next door and wondered where she had gone. Annie had sent her an e-mail telling her that she should be home no later than 8:00 PM. The children must be with her, because they probably would have seen her pull up and come running out if they were in Janey's house. She looked up at the house that she loved so much, the house she and Bobby had been so proud to buy, the house that contained so many happy memories. She stared at the dark windows and the tears threatened to fall again. She laid her forehead against the steering wheel and said another prayer for Bobby.

She got out and walked up to the front door. There was Janey's note for Bobby; she pulled it off as she unlocked the door and opened it. She stepped in and closed the door, not turning on any lights just yet. As she turned back to the living room, she gasped at the dark outline of a man sitting on the landing of the stairs.

"Bobby!" Annie dropped her purse, keys, and the note in a pile on the floor and rushed to where he was sitting in the dark. She knelt down on the step just below him, threw her arms around his waist, and buried her face (and her tears) against his broad chest. Bobby didn't say anything. He just put one hand to the back of her head and put his other arm around her shoulders. He buried his face in her hair and held her tightly. They held each other in the dark silence of their home for a long time.

Annie pulled back to look up at his face. She saw dust in his dark, curly hair and on his clothing. He had removed his jacket and tie and loosened the collar of his shirt. His black leather slip-on shoes were also covered with dust. She reached up and held his face between her hands. He looked down at her, still silent. She couldn't read his expression in the dark, but she could feel the dampness on his face. She pulled his head down to her and planted soft kisses all over his face, coming at last to his lips. He pulled her tightly against him again as they kissed. When the kiss ended he leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. Annie wrapped her arms around his back again and held him closely.

Finally she said, "I've been so worried about you. I was terrified you were in one of the buildings. I kept trying to call you or at least call the squad room, but I couldn't get through."

He sighed and stood up, pulling her up with him. They walked over to the couch and sat down. Bobby pulled her onto his lap and kissed her again. Annie put her arms around him, laid her head against his chest, and stayed silent as he began to talk. It seemed that once he started, he couldn't stop the memories from tumbling out.

"After I talked to you yesterday morning, the entire squad headed out. We wanted to go to the site, but MCS was sent to do traffic control. Eames and I were directing traffic on Pearl when the first building fell. We heard this rumble and we just stood there watching it. It was unbelievable. And that dust cloud just rose up and spread out towards us. We didn't get the full force of the blast like they did closer to the site, but the dust spread out and covered everything.

"We stayed there until noon. We tried to keep the street open for emergency vehicles to get through, but we heard that the vehicles that were already there were covered in debris and were useless, and that vehicles coming in couldn't get close. People were coming out of the area on foot, covered with ash and dust. It looked like a war zone.

"Chain of command was a mess. One PP was supposed to be the command center. But field commanders weren't keeping in contact. At first it was because the radios had so much chatter that they were useless. And you know the problems with the phones. But even after the radios cleared up, the field commanders just weren't utilizing One PP. They were setting up command posts and then moving them around. It was hard to find who was in charge.

"Around noon, Captain Deakins found Eames and me. He had some uniforms take over on traffic control and he sent us to Pier 94. Dr. Rodgers was there and the M.E.'s office was setting up a temporary morgue. That's where we stayed all day and night and into today. They were already bringing bodies in when Eames and I got there."

Bobby paused. He laid his cheek on the top of Annie's head and tightened his arms around her. He was holding her so tightly that it was difficult to breathe, but she stayed quiet and let him regroup. Finally he continued.

"It was bad, Babe, really bad." His voice was so soft it was almost a whisper. "We helped with identifying the bodies. A lot of them had identification on them. The Missing Persons Center brought over pictures that families provided and we identified some that way. But then….th….there….were….." He stopped again. "There were th….the…body parts."

He held her tightly again and she could feel his tears falling onto her head and her face. After about ten minutes, Annie pulled away. She sat up and turned so that she was facing him and straddling his lap. She held his face between her hands and looked into his eyes. She knew that the haunted look she saw in them would be there for a long time, probably for the rest of his life whenever he remembered the events of that day. She kissed his wet cheeks.

He sighed and said, "It will take weeks, months to identify them. Some people will probably never be identified. When I finally left, I didn't even go back to One PP to get my car. I took a cab home. All I wanted was to see you and the kids, and hold you all in my arms. Janey left a note on her door that she and the kids would be back soon. So I just came in here and waited for you to come home."

Annie kissed him and got up. She turned on a light and went to the kitchen. She poured two glasses of iced tea and bought them out to the living room. She handed Bobby one of the glasses and sat down on the coffee table, facing him. They drank their tea in silence. Bobby put his hand on Annie's knee and squeezed it lightly.

"The whole time I was in that morgue, I kept thinking about the families. I thought about you and that day you were attacked. When the captain told me what happened and that you were in the hospital I was so scared I couldn't think straight. It's a good thing Eames drove me to the hospital; I don't think I could have found my way. And then I saw you in the ER. You were unconscious and so pale, you…..you looked…." He didn't finish the thought. "I don't know what I would have done if….if…you…if I had lost you. There are so many people who are going to hear those words I was so afraid I was going to hear that day….that someone they love is gone."

He leaned back and held his empty glass with both hands, staring down at the ice cubes. Annie's eyes filled with tears. This was the first time Bobby had talked about his feelings the day she was attacked. He had been so focused on her and helping her through it that, as usual, he pushed his own feelings and fears aside. She was ashamed to realize that she had been so caught up in her own pain that she had not considered how deeply the attack and the loss of their baby had affected her husband.

"Annie," he said softly. "I know that just two nights ago I was reminding you about what you believe about God, and I'm glad it helped you get past what happened. But I said the things I did to help you, not because I understand anything about God. Wh…..when I look at what happened yesterday, the magnitude of the devastation, not just here, but in Washington and in Pennsylvania….." He sighed. "All my study and research into the criminal mind just doesn't explain what happened yesterday. I at least understand that Martin Ramsay was a victim of the lies his own brain was telling him. But this…I don't understand this. And all the theological books I've read…it just doesn't make sense. Where's God, Annie? When thousands of people die in one day, within hours. Where was He?"

Annie took his glass and set both glasses on the coffee table. She looked at him for a long moment before answering.

"Bobby, you've read more than I have by theologians and great thinkers who all tried to find an explanation for evil. I don't have any great intellectual answers. All I know is this: next to life itself, one of the greatest gifts God has given us is freedom of choice. The freedom to choose to follow Him or not. The freedom to choose to do good or to do evil. Without that freedom of choice, worship of God would be meaningless—we would nothing more than programmed robots. So when people choose to do evil things He allows them that freedom. But I believe above everything else that He never stops trying to speak to each and every one of us, to guide us to do what is good. He never stops speaking, whether or not we are willing or capable of hearing Him. Freedom of choice also means we have the freedom to refuse to listen. And if we refuse long enough and often enough, we may not be able to hear Him anymore. He has to let us see the results of the choices we make, good and bad. We need to see that choosing Him, choosing good, is best. Not because He will punish us if we choose wrong, but because we destroy ourselves and others when we choose not to listen to Him.

"I _can _tell you where He was the day I was attacked. He was right there with me, comforting me and reassuring me of His love. He was there speaking to Martin Ramsay's delusional mind, urging him to stop. And I can tell you where He was yesterday. He was there with every one of those people. He was trying to speak that same comfort and reassurance to every single victim. He's with each of their family members right now doing the same thing. And He was with every one of those terrorists, begging them to stop; _pleading_ with them to listen to Him."

Bobby took both her hands in his and just looked at her. The front door opened just then and all three children ran into the house. Ally was in the lead and launched herself into her Daddy's arms. Phillip and Andrew were next and all three children squirmed to find a place on his lap. Janey came in carrying a ready-to-bake pizza.

"Bobby! I'm glad you made it home. When I got your e-mail, Annie, that you would be home, I figured you might not have eaten dinner. So the kids and I went and got a pizza for you. I'm going to put it in the fridge for you and then I'll leave you guys alone. The kids have already had dinner and their baths; they just need to get their pajamas on. Do you both have to go in tomorrow?" Annie and Bobby both nodded and Janey added, "OK, then just drop the kids at my house in the morning and I will see you when you get home tomorrow night."

Janey put the pizza away, hugged Annie and Bobby, and left. The kids had finally settled into their positions; Ally on Bobby's lap and the boys on either side.

Phillip asked, "Daddy, did you catch the bad guys who blew up the planes?"

Bobby tousled Phillip's hair. "Well, some of the bad guys were on the planes and we….we got them. We'll do our best to get the rest of them."

Andrew asked, "Did you shoot them?"

"No, we didn't shoot them. They….died when the planes crashed."

That seemed to satisfy the twins. Ally sat and looked up at her father solemnly. "We went to Mommy's hospital and we saw sad people. Mommy says you are going to help find the people in the pictures."

Bobby glanced at Annie and she explained, "People have been putting missing person fliers on the wall outside the ER."

"Are you going to find the people?" asked Ally.

"I'm going to try."

"Did a lot of people die, Daddy?"

Bobby hugged Ally to him and kissed the top of her head. "Yes, Sweetie, a lot of people died." His eyes met Annie's and she saw again the haunted look.

The boys were beginning to fidget. The enormity of what had happened was over their heads. But Ally had one more question.

"If we pray really, really hard for the bad guys, will they stop being bad?"

Bobby closed his eyes and didn't answer right away.

"I don't know, Ally. Should we ask Mommy to pray?"

"OK."

So they all held hands and Annie prayed with her family. She prayed for the victims, for the families, for the rescue workers, and for the terrorists. When she finished, the boys, having been quiet long enough, started wrestling. Ally stayed in Bobby's lap.

Annie said, "Babe, why don't you go take a shower while I cook the pizza, OK? And you three scoot up to your rooms and get dressed for bed. If you hurry, you can stay up for a little while and watch TV."

Ally kissed Bobby on the cheek and slid off his lap. All three of the children went upstairs. Bobby reached over, put his hands on either side of Annie's face, and kissed her. He got up without saying anything and followed the kids up the stairs.

Annie went to the kitchen and put the pizza in the oven. By the time it was done, Bobby had come back downstairs, showered and clean-shaven. The children came down, dressed in their pajamas. Annie turned the TV on for them to watch while she and Bobby ate. It was not easy to find something other than news about the attacks, but she finally found some cartoons. She and Bobby ate in silence and then joined the kids on the couch. They watched the rest of "Spongebob Squarepants" and Annie smiled at Bobby's pained look. When it ended, there was a brief news report about the attacks. A picture came onscreen of three firefighters raising the United States flag amidst the rubble of the World Trade Center. All five of them were silent as they looked at the poignant picture. The news report ended and Bobby turned the TV off.

He told Annie, "You probably want to take a shower, too. I'll get the kids in bed."

She kissed him and went upstairs. She stood in the shower for a long time and let the water wash away some of the stress of the last two days. After getting her pajamas on and French braiding her wet hair, she went into the bedroom. She stopped short when she found all three children in the bed and Bobby reading "The Giving Tree". Annie smiled and Bobby looked at her sheepishly.

"They wanted to sleep in here tonight", he said and shrugged.

Annie chuckled at her soft-hearted husband, and slid into bed. Bobby continued to read for a few minutes, until the kids all seemed ready for sleep. Bobby turned off the light. Annie propped herself on her elbow and began singing softly.

Smile though your heart is aching  
Smile even though its breaking  
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by  
If you smile through your fear and sorrow  
Smile and maybe tomorrow  
Youll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness  
Hide every trace of sadness  
Although a tear may be ever so near  
Thats the time you must keep on trying  
Smile, whats the use of crying?  
Youll find that life is still worthwhile  
If you just smile

Thats the time you must keep on trying  
Smile, whats the use of crying?  
Youll find that life is still worthwhile  
If you just smile

All three children were breathing evenly when she finished. She lay back down and tried to find a comfortable position. Bobby reached across the three sleeping children and took her hand. He laced his fingers with hers and squeezed gently.

"I love you Annie Paine", he whispered.

"I love you Bobby Goren", she whispered back.

**The End**

_I want to thank two special friends for all their help with this story._

_Spookycc, for her help as my beta. She caught all (I hope!) of my mistakes. She also provided me with invaluable information on 9/11. She provided links to web sites about the events in New York, the NYPD, and the missing person fliers. She also let me bounce ideas off of her and gave me suggestions. _

_Judyg helped me over a huge writer's block when I was trying to write about Annie meeting Bobby's mother for the first time. One brief comment from Judy was all I needed for the dam to break and the idea to flow. _

_Thanks so much girls!_

_The poem, "How Do I Love Thee" was written by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. The lyrics of "Smile" were written by John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons and recorded by Nat King Cole._

_As a Californian who was 3,000 miles away from the events of this day, researching and writing this story became a very emotional experience for me. I hope that I have not offended anyone who experienced these events first hand. To everyone who was in New York, Washington, or Pennsylvania that day, please know that my thoughts and prayers were with you on September 11, 2001 and they are still with you today._

8


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